Intentionality of Wholistic Living

"Intentionality of wholistic living means being all of who I am and the best of who I can be at church, home, and work." -- John C. Maxwell, Life@Work

One of my goals this year has been to pray more. I know that probably sounds funny coming from a pastor, but since becomming a pastor I've been noticing that one of the areas in which I struggle is my prayer life. It's not that I don't pray, or don't know how to pray because I do and I do. But I don't pray often, and I struggle with praying out loud in front of my congregation.

My congregation members reading this are either a) flinching because they've thought maybe my prayers of the people could use some improving or b) flinching because I openly admit that I struggle with prayer. Or maybe there's a c) and they're just glad to hear that even pastors struggle with prayer. Hopefully it's a little bit of C mixed with either A or B.

I digress.

So one of my goals this year has been to pray more. I got a book on prayers and it's just simple, simple prayers for every day beauties and it reads more like a book of Christian poetry than Christian prayers (though I'm a firm believer that poetry can be prayer and visa versa). Today was one of those days where I was reminded of the power of prayer and how awesome this God we worship really is.

This has been an interesting week. It's involved trying to figure out how to adopt a cat that I've been taking care of in an apartment that doesn't allow pets and getting stressed out about trying to clean through the clutter that has accumulated in said apartment. I stopped yesterday to pray about it. I especially prayed about this cat (whom today I named Jael). I admit I prayed for God to help me find a way to adopt her, but I also prayed for God to take care of her because she deserves better than being stuck outside all winter. Jael is a large, short-haired black cat who was abandoned around my apartment building and she goes from apartment to apartment on the bottom level. We take care of her, give her food and water, and I've even been letting her sleep in my apartment because it's been getting really cold out. The cold is what had me worried. Winter is not kind, especially for a cat that seems to be okay outside but is definitely amazing around people. She's a great cat, and I've gotten pretty attached to her. So I decided I want to keep her, but I need to find someone to look after her until June when I can move out of the apartment.

Yesterday afternoon I put a message on facebook hoping someone had such a someone in mind. By last night, I had a response from the daughter of my executive presbyter who said she'd be happy to take Jael until June and it would be a good trial run to see what having a pet is like. I am SO EXCITED. Truly an answer to prayer!

Jael spent the night with me last night and we had no heat. It made for an incredibly cold night. This morning I attended a Mayor's Prayer Breakfast in town, and on my way I dropped off my pet rodents at my church office where they could have heat and not be around when my landlord comes to check on the furnace (of course, leaving the church I managed to fall down a flight of four stairs and twist my ankle, and this was 6 a.m., so you can imagine what my mood was like after not having heat and now I've fallen down a flight of stairs).

"Dear God," I said, "please give me patience and strength to make this through this morning. Help me to praise you even when I'm super cranky." I might have added an expletive accidentally. When I got home, I had to call my landlord about the heat. Not only was my landlord IN THE BUILDING when I called, but he was there WITH A MAINTENANCE GUY. I had heat by 10 a.m.

It was one of those moments where I just felt humbled. Leave it to God to interrupt a bad day with something amazing. In my case, it was amazing timing. Not only was I super relieved that the gerbils and guinea pig were already out of the apartment since my landlord was coming right over, but my landlord was literally a flight of stairs away from me. God has this amazing ability to know what we need and take care of us, and I think I'm going to add a line to my prayers asking God to help me remember that God takes care of what we need.

I feel really blessed today, and I don't say that to brag. Or maybe I am. I'm bragging about God. God is so awesome and so amazing and so good to us, even on those days where we have to get up at 5 a.m. after 3 hours of sleep in a caccoon because we're so cold. Thank God for God! Makes me think differently about prayer. I still wrestle with prayer and how I pray, but I've been trying to remember to pray about that, too. God is so good to us, and my prayer for you is that you are able to see God in the world around you and may that brighten your day whether your day is filled with stress or joy.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Off the Map

I apologize for my complete neglect of this blog to those who actually do faithfully follow what I write. I had an experience recently that took me "off the map" figuratively and then "off the map" literally that have made me actually realize how nice it is to get unplugged. Thus, I've been "off the blogging map" as well.

The figurative experience: I recently visited a friend of mine living in Iowa (I was attending a Board of Pensions conference at the seminary in Dubuque) and for those three days, I did not have any internet access. I was able to check email in the church where my friend works, but while I was in the actual 8-hour conference and in my friend's apartment, I was internet-less. And it made me realize (or reminded me, I guess) how NICE it is to just get away from the computer for a while. Since then I've felt much less tied to the computer and my tv. On Sundays, I give myself a "technology sabbath" which includes turning off the television and the computer for the entire day unless it is absolutely necessary for work. I've been reading, doing sudoku puzzles, sitting outside, and catching up on some quilting. It's been NICE to be unplugged.

The literal experience: This week I attended a new pastor's retreat that my local synod sponsors and we were at a camp grounds with, again, no technology. My cell phone worked, but I was without computer and television for three days. Instead of trying to figure out how I might check my email, I decided to use my free time on Tuesday afternoon to go for a walk. I teamed up with another pastor at the retreat and together we explored the grounds of the camp. We stopped first at the welcome center to get a map, and we picked a destination. We ended up walking in circles several times before we finally decided the only way to really get to our destination (a place called David's Tower) was to ignore the map and just follow the treeline. It wasn't really a great map to begin with, and even when we got to the tower we were still not really at the tower but rather at the base of another big hill with a sign saying "David's Tower." It took us a few minutes to figure out that we could juuuuuust make out the outline of the tower up on top of the big hill, but we elected to forgo climbing yet another hill as we had already been wandering around for over an hour.

And the hill leading back into the camp was monstrous. My thighs are still sore. It's a good kind of sore, you know? The kind where you're like, "It hurts, but the hurt means I did something productive with my body rather than just laying around."

Sometimes we get off the map and it's a good thing. It's good to get off the map and take a technology sabbath as a way to remind ourselves that the world around us isn't totally plugged in. We're incredibly reliant (myself included) on our technology, for better or worse. And when our computers crash or our phones fall out of the hoodie pockets into the toilet and suffer irreversible water damage, it's almost like our world is coming to an end for just that brief moment in time. Getting unplugged once in a while, taking that technology sabbath, reminds us that just because we're in the digital age doesn't mean we have to spend every single nanosecond of the day being digital. Write a card, for goodness sake, instead of an email.

Or actually write in a journal instead of an online blog. Yes, I see the irony here.

Sometimes we get off the map and it's not a good thing. When my fellow pastor and I were wandering around off the map looking for this tower, we didn't have much chance of being lost. The camp is not so big that we couldn't eventually run into the property line by the fence or the river or the highway. We were going to find a border that would tell us at least we were on the camp.

Plus he had a satalite on his phone that could get us back to our lodge if we needed it.

God creates a map for our lives and there are times when following the map is hard. Sometimes (some of us more often than others, perhaps) we think we have a better way of going. I'm one of those people who plugs in my GPS and actually tells the GPS, "No, I'm not going you're way. I'm going this way. You'll just have to reprogram and still get me there safely." God's map doesn't work like a GPS. When we try to reprogram it on our own, we get into trouble. When we allow the Spirit to move us and direct us to where God is calling us to go, it makes our lives so much simpler.

I know, I know you're cringing. It's hard to trust the spirit and those of you who really know me are thinking, "You're one to talk!" because I have the hardest time letting God do the driving in my life. I'm a control freak; I admit that freely. But I also know that those times when I am able to pray about it and spend some time doing spiritual discernment and hand things over to God...life really is much more simple.

And I like simple.

It's good to stay on the map. Sometimes we get off the trail and need a little help navigating our way back to the path that God calls us to, but for the most part, it's good to stay on the map. God gets us where we need to go when we trust in Him that made us. God is so good and we have been blessed in so many ways. My prayer for you is that you are able to spend some time praying and discerning where God is calling you and my second prayer is that you are able to go where God sends you.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Stick to the Code

So what do I do at 3:30 in the morning when my nose is so stuffy that it's got me wide awake?
I update my blog, apparently.

As I was laying here thinking how annoying allergies are, I was thinking about a new members class that I taught last night. We got into a discussion about church government and someone asked the question, "Why do we have a higher government if the individual church is able to make up its own rules?" That's not precisely verbatim, but that's the gist of what he was asking. I'm not sure how clearly I answered his question beyond saying that our task as a church is to interpret how our Presbyterian polity informs our decisions, always rooted both in scripture and in Jesus Christ. Sometimes that does mean we do things differently from other churches, but our Book of Order gives us a framework as a church. Almost like boundaries.

After the meeting, and in the recent wee hours of the morning, I've been thinking more about my response and what it truly means for us as a church to have "higher government" (If you are not aware how the PCUSA government works, there are levels over goverment much like the national government. Church sessions are subject to Presbyteries, who are subject to synods, who are subject to the General Assembly). Having levels of government means that decisions are not made in a vaccuum; the session, for example, keeps detailed meeting minutes and submits them for approval to the regional presbyteries every year. The presbytery signs off on those minutes or points out places where the church might have "strayed" from our polity. If there is a discrepency, we hope that it's an easy fix. Otherwise, the church is subject to the rules of discipline as found in the Book of Order if the discrepency is severe enough and unable to be remedied.

Likewise, presbytery proceedings are subject to the approval of the synod. One presbytery operates differently from another presbytery, but both presbyteries' interpretation of polity are subject to approval by the synod, who is subject to approval of the General Assembly. In this way, there is a system of checks and balances that help us do things "decently and in order."

Churches will usually interpret the rules as they apply to their individual situations. Ours is a polity that allows us to make those choices. Like the pirate code in Disney's, "Pirates of the Caribbean," our polity is a "guideline" open to interpretation. Now you might ask why have a code if it's is just subject to interpretation. We might, in fact, ask the same thing about scripture. After all, with all the translations out there isn't scripture always left us up to interpretation, too? And don't people interpret scripture to fit their own agenda?

Sometimes.

Despite the challenges facing the unity of the church, our polity is a way to maintain unity. While our interpretations of the Book of Order may occassionally differ from our brothers and sisters within the denomination, we are all essentially rooted in the same thing: Christ. Jesus Christ is the head of the church, giving the church her future, her hope, her authority, and her very life. Jesus Christ is (or ought to be) the center of all that we do and how we interpret our polity should be in line with how we believe Christ is calling us as a church. What I really appreciate about being Presbyterian is this sense that no decisions are made without a proper checks and balance system. Sometimes we make fun at the phrase "decently and in order" and it's earned us nicknames like "the frozen chosen." In reality, though, decently and in order means that decisions are group efforts, always subject to the rule of Jesus Christ.

As hard as it sometimes is to sit through Presbytery meetings and as frustrating as I've been at the General Assembly, it is all there for a specific purpose; that purpose allows us to work towards maintaining our unity even in those times when we disagree.

God is so good and God has done such great things within the church. I know in my heart that the church has the potential to live up to the standards that God sets for her and it is my hope and prayer that we continue to strive towards remaining unified in Jesus Christ despite those things -- and God knows there are plenty of things -- that might otherwise tear us apart.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Reflections

I turned 16 in April 2001. In September 2001, I started my junior year of high school. I was sitting in creative writing class when a plane struck the first tower. I was in marine biology, fourth period, when the principal came on the intercom to tell us exactly what was going on. And even at that point, we didn't know much.

I've been hearing so many stories this week. It's hard no to hear them; every time you turn on the TV, the news is covering a different angle of 9/11. Some news programs even had former anchors as guest speakers on the news to talk about what it was like covering the news that day. I for one am actually grateful I was still in high school and not yet even interested in being a reporter (I was a reporter fresh out of college before I started seminary). I'm not sure I would have the stamina reporters needed that week to cover the news. Now, ten years later, it seems in some ways we are reliving the horrors of that day. The stories reopen old wounds and shed light on wounds that never closed to begin with. We mourned that day and in many ways, we are still mourning today as we reflect on where we've been and how far we've come since that day.

I think we've learned a number of things since that day. Even through recession, questionable politics, and fear of the vast unknown future, we've come a long way as a nation. And I'm not just talking about learning to have tighter security at air ports. I'm talking about how we've learned to come together as one people. My hope and prayer going into a new election season is that we remember what it is to be ONE PEOPLE, regardless of creed or lack of creed and regardless of all those other hot-button issues that separate us. Whenever the political nature of our nation threatens to tear us asunder, my hope and prayer is that we as ONE PEOPLE are able to tap into that sense of unity and the strength of the bond we all shared that day. I believe people are inherently good and I believe people have the capacity to be good even if there is darkness is our nature.

But above all, I hope we celebrate with purpose. And when I say celebrate with purpose, I mean I hope we are honest about what we're rejoicing in today. I've seen too many Facebooks today thanking God that Osama Bin Laden "finally got what was coming to him" and condemning him to burn in Hell. In my blog entry today, I want to be very clear about what I believe regarding these thoughts.

My disclaimer: These are my opinions. I base my opinions on how I've come to experience God in the world. I'm not speaking on behalf of the church or on the behalf of Christianity.

I preached a sermon today called, "Rejoicing in God" and I took great care to talk about 9/11 without actually talking about 9/11. The gist of my sermon was this: We do not rejoice in death; we rejoice in God. I do not celebrate that death came to people that cause terror and inflicted great pain. I rejoice in the fact that in the midst of it all, God remained faithful to God's people. God continued to act on our behalf by carrying us through and keeping us unified. As I remember 9/11 today, I'm celebrating the very fact that God acts. God always acts, and God will always act.

So I say to you today: do not rejoice in death. Do not rejoice that people "got what was coming to them" because they committed acts of terrorism against our country. Celebrate that despite those acts of terrorism, our spirit as the American people stayed strong. Regardless of the state of the American political system and the murky state of the American economy, we continue to be ONE PEOPLE. ONE NATION under God INDIVISIBLE. Let us never forget that word "indivisible."

Praise God for being a God who stays with us and acts through us and let it be our prayer as Christians to stand with our brothers and sisters of every time and place and may God help us to love, accept, and protect one another as we practice mutual forbearance.

To God -- and to God alone -- be the glory.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

A Constant Reminder

According to a news article on http://www.nj.com/, the last time a hurricane actually made landfall in New Jersey was in 1944 -- and at that point, the naming system for storms wasn't even in place. It's obviously well before my time. It's something well even before my parent's time. As I've watched the news and followed Hurricane Irene, I'm reminded of just how powerful Mother Nature can be.

Many are without power, and many will come home after being evacuated to find a plethora of damage on their property. What I'm grateful, for, is how far we've come in terms of learning how to be prepared for storms.

Former Fox news talkshow host and radio personality Glen Beck called the storm Irene a blessing. He said: "If you’ve waited, this hurricane is a blessing. It is a blessing. It is God reminding you – as was the earthquake last week – it’s God reminding you you’re not in control. Things can happen. Be prepared and be someone who can help others so when disaster strikes, God forbid, you’re not panicking."

When I first read what Beck said, I was immediately thrown back to when Pat Robertson said the earthquake in Haiti was God's way of bringing judgment to that people. And at first, I was sort of angry. I was thinking of all the people on the East Coast being evacuated from their homes and thinking, "Geeze, Beck, go see the Wizard and get a heart, would ya?" (Queen of Insults, I know). Then I thought about it some more and I realized I actually partially agree with Beck. But not entirely.

I don't see Hurricane Irene as a "blessing from God." I see her as a reminder that God is in control, yes, and I see her as a reminder that weather is not always 100% predictable and we ought to mirror our preparation as the ants and not as the grasshopper. Irene is not a blessing; but blessing can come out of her. I think that's an incredibly important distinction. I agree with Beck insofaras hopefully these natural diasters remind us to be prepared so we're ready when -- I doubt anymore it's 'if' -- disaster comes.

Blessing can come through something as frightening and devastating as a natural disaster. Hopefully it reminds us how grateful we ought to be for our loved ones and and how temporary the material stuff on this earth is. Anything man-made can, inevitably, be destroyed. Even the things deemed "indestructible" have a weakness at the end of days. But God's creation manages to get through it all and God gives us the strength we need to carry on. Hopefully the blessing through the storm is that we do learn how to be prepared for disasters because I know this is the first time in my memory at least -- and I'm 26 years old -- that the East Coast that far north has had to really think about disaster preparation. Hopefully we keep learning and keep getting better about facing natural disasters with faith instead of just fear (not saying the fear won't be there, but I'm hopeful it's accompanied by prayer and faith).

At any rate, I'm still watching Irene. As of this morning, she was leaning into New York. So many places are underwater, and I'm still praying for my family in New Jersey because even when the storm passes, the residual effects -- power outages, floods, etc. -- will still be there. Here's hoping we've learned a thing or two since Katrina and are better prepared in the days of clean up ahead.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Redeeming Facebook's Name

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/08/17/rushkoff.flash.mobs/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

I've said it before: I'm not really a fan of social media. I use social media like Facebook because I can keep in touch with people this way. But I also think social media, while it makes the world smaller and keeping in touch easier, has done a great deal to add to the array of things compromising our ability to function face to face in the world.

I mean, seriously: You can even order a pizza online these days.

I've been reading and watching the new regarding the question of whether or not government should have more ability to regulate social media. Is social media promoting anararchy?

Probably not. Anarchy is perhaps too strong a word. Maybe it's promoting the idea that it's easy to put groups together for a common experience. Whether that experience is positive or negative is an end which is determined by the action of the users. I don't believe social media is flawed; I believe humanity is flawed. And granted positivity and negativity are adjectives that become interchangeable depending on which side of the line you're standing. People using social media to get together to form a mob would probably say their reasons are legit. Some parts of society would agree. The victims and parts of society at large would disagree.

At this point, I'm not interested in trying to determine whether or not right and wrong really matter. The fact that some will say that an event is positive while another group describes the same event as negative is really neither here nor there; it's just the way it is. I'm not even really interested in whether or not we can play the blame game where some say, "I blame parents" others say, "I blame social media" and others say, "If you're going to blame anyone, blame the government."

Here's what I say: at some point, whose fault it is ceases to be important. Whether you think social media is evil, necessary or otherwise, the fact is that it's there and it's up to us to decide how we use it. As churches, we strive to use social media to promote our churches and stay in touch with our congregation. As people, we use social media for largely the same purpose. It's good to stay in touch and it's good to have a means to invite a large number of people to your birthday party at the same time. I used my Facebook account to invite all of my friends to attend my ordination and not only did it save me money on invitations, but it reached a group of people I don't even actually have addresses for. A lot of people came to my ordination because they heard about it through Facebook.

In the interest of putting my cards on the table, I think the government regulating social media is dangerous because in the world where privacy and terrorism co-exist (to some degree), it's hard to know where to draw the line. I take security seriously, but I also take my privacy seriously.

Then again, we might ask, "Well, if you're putting it on the internet, you're not really concerned about privacy, are you?"

Yes, actually, I am. I put stuff out there for a specific group of people. Not government officials trying to check if I'm into something that the government might classify as treasonous (I'm not, by the way, in case you were wondering).

Alas, I digress.

You use a peeler or a knife to peel an apple. You wouldn't use a hammer to peel an apple. Social media is a tool, and like any other tool, it's up to people who use it to deterine how it's used. I hope that when people ask why social media is letting people find new ways to run rampant in the streets, we respond by figuring out what programs are missing to help nurture the young people that make decisions to do something violent. As a church, what can we do to offer programs that help nurture young people (because that seems to be the demographic of the people not only using social media, but also the demographic of people engaging in the violence) so that they have a positive outlet to plug their energy into? Move beyond the question of funding, and let's start figuring out better ways to serve the people with energy, intelligence, imagination, and love.

Wishing You Peace,
Pastor Becki

Trust vs. Faith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1ILPl5FQaM

Trust is hard.
Just ask Mowgi.

In preparation for my sermon this week, I've been spending some time this week thinking about the relationship between faith and trust. It's hard to have trust if you don't have faith. Likewise, I don't think you can have faith unless you first have a sense of trust. If we trust in someone, we have faith in him. If we have faith in someone, we trust them. Seems like the words are interchangeable.

Mostly.

But not entirely.

Take Luke 16, for example. A business owner tells his accountant that he's bad at his job and going to lose said job. The accountant works out a plan to get himself on people "Good Guy" list by cutting their debt that they owe the master. The idea is that when the master gets him out of the job, the accountant will have made friends. In other words, he figures out a way to "take care of himself" in a way that the business owner actually praises him.

And then Luke says this: ¹⁰ “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. ¹¹ So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? ¹² And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?"

Trust is a process. Trust is something you earn. Trust is something you work up to. Trust is something easily broken.

Faith, to me, involves a process, but the kind of faith that Christ talks about isn't a process in and of itself. Faith is, according to Hebrews, confidence in what we hope for and assurance of what we do not see. Faith doesn't need to prove itself. Faith is what we have inherently. It takes cultivation to deepen our faith (I like the word deepen rather than strengthen, by the way), but God doesn't earn our faith and we don't earn God's faith. We trust in God because we have faith in who God is; we don't have faith in God because we trust Him.

Trust is hard. Most of us can point to experiences in our lives that have involved a burning of some sort. I have several that come to the top of my head almost immediately. Trust is tough. And once trust between two people has been broken, it's often very difficult to rebuild that trust. Trust is a process.

Faith isn't really easier, even though it's inherent. I remember people telling me that faith makes things possible, not easy. I have those times when this seems silly: why can't faith make things easy, too? Why stop at simply possible?

To quote Tom Hanks in "League of their Own": "It's supposed to be hard. If it was easy, everyone could do it."

I think God wants everyone to have faith. I think God wants everyone to be able to, without reservation, put our hope and trust in our Creator. God says in Ezekiel 18, "Do I take any pleasure in the death of the wicked? declares the Sovereign LORD. Rather, am I not pleased when they turn from their ways and live?" So why is it so hard to have faith? Why is it so hard to have trust? Why, when we step out of the boat and onto the water, do we take a few steps and then sink? (Matthew 14).

Simply put: we sink because we're human. Seriously. I'm not just being coy. We sink because we're human. We sink because we have doubts. We sink because even those with what we might call the "deepest" faith struggle with their identities in God. The important part, though, is that we keep getting out of the boat. My favorite part of the story of Peter walking on the water in the storm with Christ is that at least Peter got out of the boat. What about those other disciples watching who just sat in the boat? What do you think they were thinking when they saw Peter take those steps? Do you think they even noticed, or were they so focused on the fact that the storm was battering their boat so badly that they were in danger of sinking?

Jesus rebukes Peter for not having enough faith to stay on the waves, but I don't think Jesus means it in anger or in disappointment. I think he means it to be a teaching moment. Our faith is what gives us the ability to walk on the water. Our fear -- our human nature -- is what makes us sink.

I've been listening to a lot of music by the band "Brand New" this week, and I discovered from their album, "God and the Devil Raging Inside of Me" the song "Jesus Christ." The song is, for lack of a better word, a prayer. At one point in the song, the singer says, "At the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands" and another line that I like is, "I'm scared that I'll get scared and I swear I'll try and nail you back up." We all doubt. We all have reservations, even when we think our faith is deeper than it's ever been. It's okay to be honest with ourselves (and with God) that we've had thoughts of turning and running instead of trust in God. I think God expects that. I think God understands that. I also think that God waits for us with his open arms, waiting to welcome back all of us prodigals into His embrace.

Faith and trust are hard. Trust is something we earn and learn to do. Faith is something we already have that we learn to acknowledge and see God working through. One is a process itself. The other calls for a process.

Getting out of the boat isn't easy. It's scary. Maybe even terrifying. But you get out of the boat to get on the water because it's on the water that we encounter Jesus. And Jesus waits for us on those waves in the midst of the storm. We can take those steps; we can walk on the water with Jesus, but only if we get out of the boat first. My hope and prayer for you this week is that you are able to discern how God is calling you through the storms in your lives, whatever your storm might be. I hope you are able to trust God, recognizing that faith makes trust possible.

Not easy. Possible.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

PS: incidentally, if you're looking for a great read on Matthew 14, I recommend John Ortbergs, "If you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat." It's a great book for an adult study and an easy read on how we identify what our boat is and how we learn to step out of it to the water where Jesus is.

Speaking Christian

Some thoughts after reading CNN's belief blog: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/07/31/do-you-speak-christian/

First, my disclaimer: I do occassionally drift through CNN's belief blog to read what other people are saying about religion. What I've learned not to do is read the comments because this blog has become a breeding ground for angry athiests. The belief blog is not a good forum for actual intelligent religiously-themed conversation. So I'm not advocating this blog: I'm merely presenting some of my thoughts on the issue of "speaking Christian."

It's an interesting point: that people who use "Christian terms" like rapture, born again, saved, salvation, justified, redeemed, etc. may not actually understand what they're saying. And I like the phrase at the end, "spiritual snobbery."

But the article got me thinking. Do I speak Christian?

I hope not. I know that probably sounds weird, coming from a pastor, but I hope you'll understand why I say "I hope not" by the time you're done reading this blog entry. So stay with me :)

A pastor friend and mentor of mine talked about the question of being saved once. He was being examined by his Presbytery pending his ordination and they asked him if he was saved and he said he didn't know. His point was that God knows and we don't, and this is true for good reason. We're not supposed to know if we're saved. If we have to worry about it, we're missing God's promise in election (a theological topic for another blog at another time). I've never said to anyone that I'm saved. At least I don't think I have. I'm pretty sure I haven't. I do remember being on a bus once and overhearing a conversation between two men in which one asked the other, "Are you saved?"

And I remember being uncomfortable. I don't remember how the other guy answered, but I remember the question. And I remember people asking me at one point or another, "Are you saved?" My answer is, "Jesus died for me because He loves me" because quite frankly, that's what really matters to me. Whether I'm saved or not is Jesus' business.

I try not to "speak Christian" for various reasons. One, I think it makes people uncomfortable. I do have a lot of non-Christian friends and once and a while I hear things like, "It's so cool that your a pastor." To some of my friends, I'm a novelty, which is weird to say, but I really am the closest they've ever come to interacting with a pastor. I try to speak the same to everyone. Obviously I talk to my congregation a little bit different from how I talk to my friends. But for the most part (and my friends and people in my congregation can attest to this), I try to speak in the same voice whether I'm at a church potluck or a Fourth of July party with my best friends.

Two, I don't see the real point to speaking Christian. My hope is that actions speak louder than words. My hope is that people see the way I live my life and how my interpersonal relations function and are able to see God working through me. Too often, language gets in the way of the Good News of the Gospel.

At the risk of ruffling feathers, the truth is that I actually flinch inside when someone talks about "when they were saved." I don't believe there is a moment where someone is actually saved. I believe the moment a person was saved was when Jesus died and was resurrected from the dead all because of how much He loves us. The moment people are talking about when they talk about being saved is the moment they first felt Christ really come alive in their own lives. It's not really being saved; it's being awakened. It's being renewed. I believe there is a difference.

What really stood out to me in the Belief Blog was this idea of using a "Christian vocabulary" and not knowing (or forgetting) what the words really mean. What does it mean to be justified? What does it mean to be saved or baptized or in communion with Christ and each other? What does any of it really mean? Religion is easy; theology is hard. I'm a pastor and there are still some theological terms that I'm not super comfortable with, and I think that's par for the course. If we pastors understood all of the theological terms we come across, there would be no room for learning. There always has to be room for learning. That's how we continue to stay real about our faith and how we believe.

We talk a lot about how we talk about our faith in contemporary times. How open should we be around our faith? I think the blog is right when it states that we are bilingual; we speak "social human being" and "religious human being." How can we marry the two so that our life outside of the church is not separated from our life inside of the church? How can we talk about our faith in a way that is accessible not just to the listeners, but to us as well?

A good place to start is with a self-assessment. What do you believe? If it helps, find out if your denomination has creeds or basic statements of faith. If you're Presbyterian, check out our Book of Confessions. That's a great place to go to find out what we believe and to what theology we subscribe. It might even help to write your own statement of faith. Put into words exactly what you believe.

Now think about what you've written (or read). What stands out to you? What aspects of that are more difficult than others? Are there things there that seem easy? Confusing? What words sound overly religious to you?

Read scripture and really think about your own theology. Is your theology rooted in scripture? Theology, by definition, ought to be rooted in scripture.

If we're going to talk about our faith, we have to be able to talk about why we believe certain things. We can't just say "It's in the Bible" or "because that's in the creed we say every Sunday." There has to be an aspect of it that you own.

I believe that God has a plan for me because scripture has a long history of people God taught to make lemonade from lemons. I believe that God has a plan for me because Christ died for me on the cross because he loves me, and why would he do that if he didn't have something awesome in mind for me? I believe that God has a plan for me because as a descendant of Abraham, I am a part of that covenant promise to be blessed to be a blessing others.

Speaking Christian becomes a dangerous thing when we use it to push theology that is not rooted in anything. Learning about our faith and learning why we believe in certain things is how we root our theology. Theology is hard; it doesn't have to be impossible.

I encourage you to write your own statement of faith and really get in touch with what you believe. Do your homework and root your beliefs in scripture. Talk to your pastor or seminary professors or other people in your church about certain concepts that you might be stuck on. Get away from "speaking Christian" and this concept of being "bilingual" and instead, focus on what it means to speak from your heart no matter what you're saying.

Wishing you peace,
Pastor Becki

Could Use a Little Peace These Days

First, an apology to those that follow my blog. I haven't updated in a while because I've been busy working on some other writing. Most of you have heard of "Rookie," the novel I wrote in high school. These last couple of weeks I've begun the arduous process of ripping through Rookie and rewriting her almost completely. It's a daunting task, and it's been a while since I've stretched my fiction-writing legs, so as I work through that I've neglected my blog-writing duties.

That being said, there are things going on in the world today that I need to speak to. This is not meant to be a statement on politics. I'm not interested in "blame" regarding the right vs. the left and I'm not interested in economic factors. I'm not interested in debating the severity of the issues and spoiler alert: I'm going to be blunt and a little bit angry in this blog post. This isn't my norm: but I think it's called for.

There are days when I wonder if the destiny of the world is to simply blow itself up. As I read and watch the news about the shootings and bombings in Norway, I'm beside myself with the question, "What is going on in the human psyche that is leading people to believe that a bombing or a shooting is the only way to get people's attention?" Have we fallen so far and become so numb that blood shed and violence is the only way we know we still have a pulse? At what point does "peace on earth, goodwill towards men" become our reality?

I spoke about this at some length when a man went to a school board meeting and opened fire (thankfully, no one but the gunman was killed in that incident). It seems like nothing has changed, and I want things TO change. I hate opening up a newspaper or clicking onto CNN.com and reading about some other city that has its hearts and peace of mind shattered. Is it possible that this age of violence is our new reality and we just have to "get used to it?"

With every bone in my body, I hope not.

If we "get used to it" we are no longer breathing. If we "get used to it" we are no longer living creatures. We are no longer capable of the love and compassion that God calls us to. We have to get angry. We have to demand answers and we have to demand whether or not things like what happened in Norway is just our "new norm." It doesn't have to be that way. Remember a comment I've made before: the beauty of reality is that it can be changed.

I want to change this reality. Maybe you do too. Maybe you're even reading this and thinking, "You're right, but what exactly am I supposed to do about it? And what do you, Becki, oh pastor in the middle of a small town in central Illinois, propose to do about it?"

So here's what I'm going to do. First and foremost, I'm going to pray about it because I think our world is in constant need of prayer. But despite what I believe about the power of prayer, prayer by itself is not enough. When Jesus' disciples tell him in Matthew that there are hungry people who need to be sent into town to buy food for themselves, Jesus looks the disciples square in the eye and says: You give them something to eat. Prayer by itself is not enough. At some point, action is required on our part.

So I'm going to write a letter to all the people in my local government that "represent me." And I'm going to ask them what they are doing and what they recommend I do to promote world peace. And I'm going to keep writing to them until I get more than just a mail merge response. I might even make a phone call or two, because I want to know what our government is doing to educate people that there is a way to get people to listen that doesn't involve setting a timer or loading a gun.

I've already done one thing I wanted to do: blog about it. I want to raise awareness that there is a better way to get attention. I know the people in Norway or the would-be-bombers who are up and coming aren't reading my blog, but if we all took the initative to tell people there's a better way, we might realize how powerful word of mouth is. If we all posted on facebook and encouraged everyone we know to post on facebook, "Striving for peace without violence is the only way peace can occur" we might -- might -- see some kind of a chain reaction.

I have this optomism that one day the world can learn to get along. One day world leaders -- and local and national leaders -- will learn that these petty little partisan bickerings that go on are NOT the way to go. They are not striving for world peace. They are striving for more votes. Knock it off, politicians. I would think by now politicians would want to change the American people's perception that politicians are greedy and represent only themselves. My optomism is wearing thin.

I know that we can get to a better place. I know it is possible for us to achieve world peace, but it's a team effort. It takes work and cultivation. It takes everyone -- EVERYONE -- realizing that striving for world peace is not the job of higher of government alone. It's not just the job of Green Peace or the phantom people "out there." Striving for peace is the job of everyone, and it needs to be in order for it to mean anything. And in order for it to mean anything to us, it must mean everything to us. How many more people have to die in order for us to realize that killing people isn't going to solve anything?

I hope you take the time to pray for our world and for peace. I hope you ask the question, "What can I do?" and I hope you seriously think about some things -- however small -- that you can do. What's it going to take for our "never again" (Rowanda, Auschwitz, Darfur) to really mean something? What's it going to take for people like the young man in Norway -- a guy not much older than me -- to realize that the road that leads to violence is not the way to solve problems? And what's it going to take for us to really start loving each other?

I encourage discussion on this post, though I will tell you right now that if you post something politically charged, I will probably delete it. I'm not trying to be political. I'm more...thinking out loud that there must be something that I, as a child of God, can do from my small corner of the world to ensure that I at least am striving for peace. I hope you strive for peace, too.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

A Little of Us in the U.S.

I've been really into the U.S. lately.
I know that sounds weird.
I remember working at my retail job the night of 9/11 and I lost count of the number of people who came in that night looking to buy an American flag (which we didn't have because we only had them for Memorial Day and Fourth of July...September is out of season). And I remember thinking to myself that it was a shame that it took something like terrorism to spark a sense of patriotism in people. Shouldn't we always be that patriotic?
In the nearly ten years since those attacks, my generation has really had a chance to think about what it means for us to be patriots. Few of the people that are within two years of my age remember the political wars of the early 90's, but we all remember where we were on 9/11/01.
There has always been a strange tension between our sense of patriotism and our religion. On the one hand, we wonder why we have to separate them when both are such a deep part of our identity. On the other hand, we read stories all the time about people striving towards a deeper sense of separation between church and state. I look at the American flag in our sanctuary and sometimes think to myself, "Well, if they're taking the Ten Commandments out of the court house, why can't I take the American flag out of the sanctuary?" I say this tongue in cheek, of course, because a large part of biblical history has to do with nationalism; our biblical roots inform us that we can't help but associate our faith and our national pride in the same breath.
I've often wondered about this separation between church and state. I can see in theory where it would be a good thing. America is the great melting pot with people of so many different faiths and no faiths, so there's no way having a "national religion" would be a healthy thing for this country. I've talked about religious pluralsim before, so I'm not going to get into that here, but for the moment I will say this: there really is no such thing as a separation between church and state.
I've gotten into this show "How the States Got Their Shapes" on the history channel and I have to say, I'm really enamoured by it. That's what I mean when I say I've been really into the U.S. lately. I'm realizing how little of my own American history I really know, and I've been learning so much through this show. Watching the show leads me to look other things up. It led me to pick up a biography of James K. Polk (11th president of the United States) at a used bookstore at the shore last week, and it's not as dry as you might think. It's actually really fascinating. Two weeks ago, the show did a special on how religion helped shape the states and there was a moment when I couldn't tell whether the show producers were trying to paint a positive, negative, or neutral view of religion. Towards the end of the episode, I was more convinced that it was the neutral approach, but if you watch the episode you see just how little separation there really is between church and state.
If we are truly people of faith, we cannot separate out the different aspects of our identities. Being people of faith means that we are engaged with the world because that's where we live. We live in the world and we have secular jobs and we have friends of different faiths or no faiths and we watch movies that maybe Jesus would have shunned even though we find them entertaining. It's good to be a patriot (actually, in some ways it's a requirement), but it's not good to be a patriot at the expense of our faith. The converse is also true. It's not good to be people of faith at the expense of our patriotism. There are some branches of faith that completely separate themselves from the secular world and there are some branches that condemn the world for being too separated from faith. To each its own. But for me, my sense of country is connected to my sense of faith. I feel blessed that I live in a country where I can worship God the way I feel called to worship. I feel blessed that I live in a country where I can talk about God wherever I want. I feel blessed that I live in a country where even when there are those who feel blessed to be able to say God is dead, I can look them in the face and say, "God is alive and well and His Spirit is dwelling within me right now."
The scripture passage this week is from Matthew 11 and the verse goes, "To what shall I compare this generation? It is like a group of children in the streets calling to one another, 'We played the flute and you did not dance; we wailed, and you did not mourn." I wonder sometimes if Jesus were to come down to a church in America today, would he look around at the people gathered and ask the same question? "To what shall I compare this generation? We played the flute and you did not dance. I performed a sunset and you didn't pay attention. I gave you comfort and you didn't notice." Sometimes we become so busy trying to keep our faith separate from our secular identites so we don't offend people that we put God in a box that God doesn't want to be in. God wants our faith to permeate every aspect of our being, from our patriotism, to our most intimate relationships, to our most secular jobs.
As you celebrate the Fourth of July, I encourage you to think about how you connect your life of faith to the rest of your life on a daily basis. Is it something you can see easily? Or do you have a hard time focusing on God other than that hour on Sunday morning? I encourage you to consider the ways you might connect the various aspects of your identity more deeply as you strive to live a life in the light of Christ who loves you and keeps you. When God plays the flute, I hope you are able to dance.
May God bless you in your week. Take a moment, whether you as my reader are a person of faith or not, to remember those who have been affected by the wars either past or present and give thanks for those people. I'm remembering especially this weekend my two grandfathers, one who served in the navy, one who served in the national guard, I'm remembering Pastor Jan of my home church who served several terms as a chaplain in Iraq. I'm remembering my friend Ben K. for his service and a collegue David W. who lost his life in Afghanistan. I'm remembering and lifting up my collegue Craig who continues to serve as an army chaplain and for those spoken and unspoken, those I know and don't know, praise God for your courage, your bravery, and your faith.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Response to a Comment on My Blog Post

I tried for 15 minutes to respond to the comment from Tara and Blogger continued to be a pest...so this is my response, lol:

Tara: I absolutely agree. I remember a teacher saying once, "hate the sin, love the sinner" and I totally do my best to abide by that. I think what gets dangerous about our relationship to sin is that we attempt to create a heirarchy of sin; that is, ranking one sin as more sinful than other sin. Sin is anything that pulls us away from God; period. All we can do is offer all that we are to God every day of our lives and continue to strive for deeper, richer relationships with Christ. God is against sin; God loves us, though, so praise God for that!
As a pastor, I represent all three of those things that you mentioned, but I definitely think the world is at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole. God ought to be at the top and it's a challenge sometimes for us as human beings to keep Him there in all that we do.
That's what I love about the Phillipians verse: it's present tense and so our wrestling is a constant challenge. But I think wrestling with questions about our faith and our relationship with God is what keeps our faith real and our own.
I love you too :) I'm so glad you're my neighbor!

Wedding Bells

I attended a wedding yesterday for a long-time friend of mine and was so excited that I was able to go. The wedding took place in New Jersey and it just so happened that I was going to be in town anyway for a family reunion at the beach, so the timing worked out perfectly (actually, it worked out even more perfectly because a friend of the family passed away so I was able to attend the viewing as well).

The wedding was held in an episcopal church in northern NJ and I'm fascinated in the differences between our two denominations. I'm also fascinated by the similarities. It was a beautiful reminder of how regardless of polity, we're all playing for the same team.

My senses were heightened yesterday for many reasons. First of all, it's still kind of a surreal experience to be at that age where so many of my friends that are the same age as me are getting married and some of them even have kids now. Secondly, I have yet to officiate a wedding, so I'm paying close attention to wedding ceremonies to get ideas and inspiration. Thirdly, I was keenly aware of the sounds around me.

The church where this wedding was held is in an urban setting. That comes complete with all the urban sounds. Not too far out of sight is a trauma-level hospital, so at a couple points during the service we heard sirens. At another point, one of the scripture readers had to pause because a plane was flying so low overhead it made the walls shake. But then, when the priest began her homily, the world around us seemed to go silent except for the sound of the birds in the church yard. As we moved from the homily into the song "Joyful, Joyful We Adore You," it was clear to me that the Holy Spirit was in that place.

Marriage is an interesting thing and it's something that has come under such scrutiny over the last several decades, particuarly in the GLTB communities. The other day, NY legalized gay marriage. They are not the first, and I'm certain they will not be the last. A pastor friend of mine once said to me to remember that marriage is a civil institution first; then a church celebration. He didn't deny that marriage symbolizes the relationship between the church and Christ, but he also said that in legal terms, marriage is a civil institution. In order for a marriage to be legally recognized, even pastors have to follow the rules of the municipalities. I find myself agreeing with his statement to a certain extent, but I'm still torn regarding what I really believe about marriage. My church polity tells me that marriage is a religious and whole union between one man and one woman before the sight of God. But something in my heart just feels so broken when two people who love each other are forbidden to get married in a church that they love so much.

I hesitate to even write about this, and I'm really nervous doing it because I am a pastor and I do uphold the polity of the Presbyterian church and I do hope that people understand that even though pastors pledge to uphold the polity of their denominations, pastors are still human beings who are subject to the same questions of interpretation nonpastors are.

I read an article on cnn this morning (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2079861,00.html?hpt=hp_t2) that talked about whether or not marriage is really marriage if the church still won't recognize it. It made me so sad to read it (I didn't even bother to read the comments because the comments on religious articles on cnn are generally so hateful and angry I just can't read them anymore) because as a pastor, I want people to feel welcomed and loved in a church. Not rejected. To coin a phrase from Dan Kimball: I want the church to be better known for what it's for instead of always just for what we're against.

What is marriage about? Marriage is about making a pledge to unite two souls in a unqiue and special way in the eyes of God. It is about pledging fidelity and wholeness in the midst of adversity. It is about pledging the kind of love between two people that Paul admonishes us to have for each other in I Corinthians. Marriage is a symbole of the relationship that Christ has to the church as her bridegroom. Hate destroys marriage. Jealousy destroys marriage. Lack of communication destroys marriage. Divorce destroys marriage. What is it about marriage between two men or two women that destroys marriage?

Marriage is legal and religious. People who are married before the justice of the peace without religious implications present are still participating in something that cannot be legal without the religious. And those who are married in the church cannot have the religious without the legal. The legal and the reglion is bound up together, woven together in what we hope can some day become harmony.

I'm still on a journey of self-discovery to understand what I really believe about the insitution as marriage as it relates to the GLTB community. I'm also still on a journey to understand what I believe about the ordination of the GLTB community now that the language of our denomination's polity has been changed to pave the way for it. But I know this much is true for certain: God loves each of us and while there may be times He doesn't like us very much, He ALWAYS loves us. God formed each of us and knew each of us in the womb and before the womb. God took special care to mold us, piece by piece, into the beautiful men and women we are all to become. We are made new creations in Christ and we are all a work in progress because whatever we become, God is never quite finished. That's what I believe about a living, active God.

I encourage you to keep an open heart and open mind and be honest with yourself with what you believe. As you form (or hold onto) your opinions about what marriage means to you and what it means to the GLTB community, I encourage you to really read scripture, read articles, talk to people, and in essence "do your homework" so you know why you believe what you believe. Most of all, greet each other in the name of our Triune God with all the love of Christ in your hearts and treat each other with grace as God has given us grace so freely.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Carpe Diem

I really should read the "Book of Confessions" more often.
Now you're probably thinking one of three things: 1) What is the Book of Confessions? 2) Umm...you're a pastor. Why aren't you reading the BOC more often? or 3) Oh no. Here comes a polity lesson.

So let me answer all of these questions: 1) The Book of Confessions is not a book by a bunch of people who wanted to record a list of all the things they've done wrong. It's the first part of the consitution of the PC (USA) and the confessions are a series of creeds, confessions, statements, and catechisms all written at different times and places in the world and they contain the foundations of our faith. They are confessing what we believe as Christians united in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

2) I'm not reading it more often because like most people, I'm busy and even though I'm reading a bunch of other stuff, I'm not always reading about polity.

3) I'm not giving you a polity lesson, so stop worrying!

This coming Sunday is Trinity Sunday. In preparation for my sermon, I picked up my Book of Confessions for inspiriation about how to approach Trinity Sunday. It's not the biggest day on our liturgical calendar by any means. It's a big deal, but we don't often make it a big deal in worship (some probably do, but I've never experienced it as a big deal in church). I don't want to just try and look at the Trinity like it's some mathematical equation that we as Christians have to solve. I turned to the Confession of 1967 and read this in the preface: "The purpose of the Confession of 1967 is to call the church to that unity in confession and mission which is required of disciples today. This Confession is not a 'system of doctrine,' nor does it include all the traditional topics of theology. For example, the Trinity and the Person of Christ are not defined, but are recognized and reaffired as forming the basis and determining the structure of the Christian faith." (emphasis mine). I think that's an important observation that the confession doesn't attempt to "explain" the Trinity, but it affirms it as part of the foundation of our faith. That was the first thing I thought, "wow, that's something good to keep in mind as I prepare my sermon."

Then, as I was reading through the confession, I read this: "Life is a gift to be received with gratitude and a task to be pursued with courage."

And there I stopped because I found that statement incredibly profound. Life is a GIFT to be received with gratitude and a TASK to be pursued with courage. How often do we find ourselves in that place where we wish we had someone else's life? We want to be that person who won the lottery. We want to be that person who was able to use "petty cash" to give their kitchen and bathroom an AWESOME makeover. We want to be the mother that is the envy of other mothers, the hostess with the mostest, and the teachers and preachers that other people in our field aspire to be like. You know you do this. I know that I do this.  Maybe not all the time, but occassionally, we all do this. Sometimes it seems like human beings just weren't created with the wherewithall to be comfortable with who we are.

Looking at life as a gift is something I think most of us were tought from a young age. If you've ever seen the movie "Dead Poet's Society" with Robin Williams and a host of other awesome characters, you remember the big emphasis in that movie of the line, "Carpe Diem" : Seize the Day. I've heard over and over to look at life like a gift. I've never thought of life as a task to be pursued with courage.

Sometimes it feels like we are constantly trying to figure out who we are and what our role in the world happens to be. It takes a conscious effort to cultivate that spirit of thanksgiving that brings us to a place where we can say with confidence that we are children of God, each created with individual care and love by our Almighty Creator. In a world that teaches us to always be better, it's frightening to think that we can ever be truly happy with who we are.

But that's what this confession says to me. Maybe not so much, "Be happy with who you are" and not even so much "only do the things you love" because let's face it: sometimes we have to do things we hate. But if we look at the things we do as a part of the gift of life that God gives us, how does that change how we perceive our to-do lists? How do we actively pursue life as a task of courage?

I encourage you to think about how in your own life you perceive life as a gift to be received with gratitude and a task to be pursued with courage. In thinking about your every day tasks, what kind of courage does it take to say "I'm doing this not because I'm necessarily thrilled to be doing it, but I'm doing this because this is where God is calling me to be right now"? And how often are you doing the things that you love simply because you love to do them?

God made you and God loves you. God took special care to put your life together piece by piece and even when life is tough, God took special care to make sure that He is with you every step of the way. May you find ways to see life as a gift and may you receive it with gratitude. May you also see life as as a task to be pursued with courage and may you feel God with you giving you that courage to Carpe Diem: seize the day.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

ps: back to the BOC...

Summer Goals

Well, it's June. June in Illinois is a lot different from June in New Jersey. In Illinois, school is out. Kids are looking forward to May because graduation is in May. The school work ends in May. June is all summer. In New Jersey, graduations are in June. Finals are in June. School ends in June. The last week of June is summer is the first full month of summer is actually July. Of course school has ended for me in May since starting college, but I still have that mentality that summer doesn't really start until the public schools let out in June.

I don't actually like summer. I know, weird, right? I appreciated time off from school, but I'm not a fan of heat. I am a fan of swimming and I plan on doing a lot of swimming this summer.

And applying lots of sun screen. Lots and lots and lots of sunscreen.

But I have other goals this summer. I'm about a week away from my ten-month anniversary of being in this church and as I start looking two months ahead to my yearly review, I'm setting some summer goals to get me there.

1) Read more. I didn't do a whole lot of reading this past year even though I bought a ton of books. I think part of it had to do with the culture shock of not having to read. In seminary, you're given a reading list that increases the amount of paper you own exponentially. And I can't remember any week of seminary where I got every single word read that I was supposed to read. So getting out of seminary it was like, "Wait...I don't have to have anything read by this weekend!" Over the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to read more. I even bought a kindle this past week. The kindle serves two purposes: first, I can upload sermons and worship plans to it so I'm hoping to save the church a lot of paper. Second, I can put multiple books on one source and not bring a library home with me when I go on vacation. And oh won't it be awesome on the plane!
But I do want to read more. And I want to read things about topics I don't usually read about. Currently I'm working through two books. I'm reading "They Like Jesus But Not the Church" by Dan Kimball, which is a look at why emerging generations (twenty-somethings) love Jesus but cringe when you ask them what they think about the church. As a pastor who falls into that age group, it's an interesting read. The other book I'm reading is very much outside of what I consider my "reading culture norm." It's called "Acts of Faith: The story of an American Muslim, the struggle for the soul of a generation" by Eboo Patel and it's about his work striving for a culture that embraces interfaith relations. I don't have a whole lot of interaction with people outside the Christian faith. I'm in what Dan Kimball calls in his book the "Christian bubble." Which leads me to my second goal.

2) To make more friends outside of the church. It took me 10 months, but I'm starting to get to the point where I'm hungry for something outside of my apartment and outside of my church. I'm not even necessarily looking for Christian friends or "churchy" friends. I want to go to concerts and hang out with people who aren't going to ask me about things coming up at the church. I have a couple of friends from the church who treat me more like a friend and less like a pastor and I love that, but I'm hungry for more community within the community, or even in the city across the river.

3) Use my gym membership. The thing about a year-long contract at a gym is that you're stuck paying for it whether you utlitize it or not. As gas tips over the $4 range (again! ugh.) it seems like it makes sense to use what I pay for. And since the temperatures outside are not going to be very forgiving this year -- though I will be in the pool a lot! -- I plan on going to the gym a couple times a week to make up for it. Besides: I can make friends at the gym who aren't connected to my church.

4) Pray more. I've been doing a little soul searching and the fact of the matter is, I don't have much of a prayer life. I admit that freely to you as a pastor. I pray in church when we pray corporately and occassionally I'll mention a few things to God in passing, but I don't really have a disciplined spiritual life. So this summer I'm going to spend a lot of time working on my own spiritual health so I'm better equipped to guide the spiritual health of my church. It was nice to be at the retreat center and do the labyrinth, but what does spiritual health for me look like now that I'm back in my routine (albeit a summer routine)? That's the kind of self-exploration I'm doing this summer.

In January, I told you my New Year's Resolution was to live more simply. I think I've been doing that in some ways. No, I'm not taking shorter showers, but I'm being a lot more cautious about spending. I'm shopping less. I'm simplifying my schedule and taking more time out for myself. But I haven't, by any means, broken any glass ceilings. There's always room for more simplification (is that even a word?). Hopefully by working towards my four summer goals, the result is that I put more effort into working towards my ultimate New Year's goal.

What are you hoping for this summer? Do you have a reading list or a vacation list? Does it feel like you're already tired of summer because you know all you'll be doing is running around from one activity to another? Do you need to do a "faith check in" to see how, six months into the year, you're faring in your relationship with God this year?

I wish you all the best and most of all, I wish you peace.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

IDK

IDK is blogspeak for "I don't know."
I don't know.
You don't know.
Neither pastors nor laypersons know.
No one knows. And here's why:

"Keep awake, therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour." (Matthew 25:13)

As a pastor (and a Christian) I've been getting a lot of questions lately regarding "Doomsday." It's interesting. When I was driving back from New Jersey to Illinois, I saw a bunch of billboards proclaiming May 21st to be the end of the world. Or at least the rapture. The real "end of the world" is in October after we've had five months of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Some people really bought into this to the point where they were emptying out bank accounts and either a) giving all their money away or b) spending all their money on lavish vacations because why not? The world is going to end soon. And May 22 rolled around. Low and behold, those people are still here. The tremendous earth quakes did not swallow us whole (although a volcano did erupt in Iceland).

But here we are on May 22 and we're still here. Sure, people left piles of clothes on their lawns as a way to make fun of those who really believed the world was going to come to an end yesterday. There's a part of me that wonders if all the people who really bought into it yesterday realized they were still here and decided that meant they were not chosen. Now we all have to suffer together. Is this damaging to faith? What if you really bought into doomsday on 5/21/11? Do you stop believing in God because no one came to gather up the believers?

I certainly hope not, and my heart goes out to the group that bought into this because I can't even imagine what's going through their heads right now.

And we will be having this same conversation a year from now when we start getting closer to December 2012.

So people have been turning to me and asking me what I think about the whole thing. Do I believe in the rapture? Absolutely. Scripture tells us that Jesus will come and gather up His believers. Our bridegroom will arrive, but here's the kicker: We don't know the day or the time.

Jesus says keep awake! because you don't know when He's coming. The rapture could happen tomorrow. It could happen three minutes from now. It could happen three centuries or three milenia from now. We just don't know. We can't calculate. People try to calculate it, and they take great leaps and bounds to make their equations give them an exact date and time. But Jesus tells us not to worry about what comes next because whatever happens, God is going to take care of us. God knows the day and the time and that's all we need to know. Anything else we claim to know is just our way of playing God which is what got us kicked out of Eden in the first place.

Keep awake. I'm all for evangelism telling people to believe that Christ saved them and recognize how Christ is active in their lives and hearts. But to tell people that there is a deadline is just foolishness. Of course there's a deadline, but we will never never never be able to predict for sure when that is.

So what do I think about this whole thing? I think we put much stock in equations. We want to know what happens, want to know when, want to know when our bodily expiration dates happen to be. You know something, though? I don't want to know. I just hope that if I'm still alive when the end of the world gets here, I'm not alone. I want to be with someone I love. And hopefully when that end comes, I'm not left behind.

Hopefully you aren't either. But don't get caught up in a whirlwind of propoganda from people claiming to have all the answers because they are just as subject to God's ambiguity as the rest of us. I worry about enough things on a daily basis; I'll leave the worrying about the end of the world to God. That's his department and one less thing I have to be responsible for.

As the Deer

I had a really cool experience this morning that I wanted to share with you.

I'm currently in Rochester Indiana at the Geneva Center participating in a new pastor seminar sponsored by my synod. It's been a good time for reflection, I've reconnected with some friends from seminary, and made some new friends.

This morning I got up and showered at 6:30 (which is really 5:30 for me because I'm visiting the Eastern Time Zone where it's an hour ahead from what I'm now used to) and I went outside to walk the camp's outdoor labyrinth. Stretched out in one row, the camp director said the labyrinth is about a mile long, so as you can imagine, it was a good, long walk. I've walked a lot of labyrinths over the years, but nothing compared to this experience.

The ground in which the labyrinth was laid is sand. At first I thought wearing flip flops to do this was a poor idea because it's not soft sand: it's gravely sand. I was going to go back in and change my shoes, but decided sneakers would be worse because all the gravely sand would get stuck in my sneakers. So I stayed in flipflops and it was easy to kick the sand out from the shoe. As I was making loops and processing in my mind all the things that have been weighing down my heart lately, I noticed something I've never seen while I'm doing a labyrinth before: I noticed my footprints in the sand. Seeing my footprints and paying attention to the ground made for an interesting thought process as I considered the journey and emotional rollar coaster that is ministry. I saw my footprints from where I've been in my journey on the labyrinth and thought about where I've come over the last 9 months since starting at this church in Illinois. Interestingly, watching my own footprints led me to see footprints of others who had walked the labyrinth, including quite a few deer tracks.

Part of the labyrinth wound around a group of evergreen trees and the sand was blanketed by a bed of pine needles. Walking on the needles was much softer than the gravely sand and actually made for an easier walk. But I couldn't see my footprints (do we spend a lot of time reflecting on the parts of the journey that are easy or do we focus on the parts that were difficult so we can either a) dwell on them or b) learn from them?). Also, since the path wound around trees, there were times when the trees were actually directly in my path and I had to change my course and walk around them (what roadblocks do we run into on our journeys that make us change our couses? are they comfortable roadblocks or do we tense up with anxiety over them?).

Whenever I noticed myself wondering how much more of the labyrinth I had to walk, I intentionally stopped walking and closed my eyes to listen to the early morning birds. I spend too much time worrying about getting to the next thing; it does me a world of good to make deliberate pauses to remind me that ministry means my time is God's time, not my own.

After about 45 minutes, I came to the center of the labyrinth where there were six large boulders that you can sit on. So I sat down with some kind of preconceived notion over what I was going to think or pray about. I had only been sitting still for about thirty seconds before I heard a rustle behind me. I slowly turned my head around to face the woods and these three deer came walking out of the bushes. They walked very slowly and deliberately, keeping their ears perked up and their eyes directly focused on me. After about a minute of just staring at each other, they started to lower their heads and graze.

Then it got interesting.

The biggest deer (not a buck...at least not one with antlers) started to come closer to me. He or she would snort and then stomp a hoof. Then she/he'd bow his/her head and snort and stomp again with the other foot. I've never heard a deer snort before. Then the deer walked over the first row of the labyrinth. Now this deer is about forty feet from me. He stepped closer and got as close as thirty feet. I sat perfectly still, not moving to get the hair out of my face that the wind blew, not even moving to get rid of the mosquito that was setting to work on my ankle (ughhh...so itchy now!). We stared at each other for a while until the deer scampered back to the others. He did it again a few minutes later and this continued for about fifteen minutes: I sat on the rock and then grazed while watching me closely and coming in and out of the first ring of the labyrinth. Finally, they disappeared back into the woods.

I've never been that close to wild deer before. It was an amazing experience not just to be in the presence of these animals, but to be....that....still. For me to be that still is an achievement all by itself. My usual prayer in the labyrinth is "Dear God, stop me so you can move me." And in that experience this morning, God really stopped me and for about fifteen minutes the world was silent and empty except for those deer and me. I truly felt the Spirit in those fifteen minutes.

I'm not going to walk the labyrinth again while I'm here because I know I will go to the labyrinth with the expectation of the experience being repeated. It's not a good idea to go before God with preconceptions, so I want to treasure the experience I had this morning. It was really beautiful and I saw the experience of the labyrinth in a way I've never seen it before.

I encourage you to think about your own journeys. How is God calling you to be still before Him? Where is God calling you to be? Where have you come from that has gotten you to where you are? If you have an opportunity to walk a labyrinth, take it. If not, find a quite walking route that doesn't have a lot of noise pollution and just walk with God. Pay attention to your journey and think about all your footprints whether you can see them or not.

The interesting thing about seeing my footsteps in the sand was that I can see where I've been, but I can't retrace them. That's not how the labyrinth is set up. That is your theological fodder for the day.

Wishing you the peace of Christ,
Pastor Becki

Study Leave: Day Four

Yesterday was the last day of workshops. Tomorrow I drive back to Illinois. I'm feeling somewhat energized about bringing back to my church all the things I took out of the seminars. The nice thing about doing this kind of forum in the spring time when tomorrow is the last day of Sunday school is that I now have the rest of the summer to pull together some kind of youth task force to talk about plans for the middle and high schoolers come fall. I also am excited about the new additions for my library!

Yesterday I only had one workshop and it was called, "Pracademia," led by Jason Santos. Jason was actually one of my preceptors when I was in seminary and the workshop was geared towards encouraging us as participants to do some soul searching within a faith group to find a sense of truth in that space between the academic and the practitioner. In other words, how do we maintain a student-and-pastor mentality instead of student or pastor. And he emphasized the hyphens, which really illustrated his point. This is something that actually really spoke to me yesterday since I've been living in this transition between being a seminary graduate and a new pastor. The faith group that Jason mentioned consists of a couple of people who are outside of the school and church but are part of a circle of trust, creating a safe space for exploration of how the Holy Spirit works in our individual lives.

It's about integration.

Jason encouraged us to face our monsters. He said, "Our monsters are not our enemies. Our monsters are our guides to the depths of our souls. They will lead us to our deepest fears, which is where we will also find wholeness." As pastors, we bring a certain degree of baggage into the pulpit. Some pastors bring more than others. For me -- and my congregation knows this -- my baggage coming into the new church was the fact that everything for me was so unbelievably new and everything last summer happened so quickly. There wasn't really time for me to really think about what being a seminary graduate meant, although in retrospect that might be a good thing. I entered ministry with a lot of homesickness, and maybe even a bit of resentment towards God for making following his directions mean that I had to move 900 miles away from everyone I knew. I've started a new life, though certain aspects of my old life are still an active part of my new existence. My task has been to find that new norm, that new space to integrate the new ordained Rebecca Weltmann with the previous versions of my self. As Jason pointed out, it's not about ceasing to be whoever I was before graduation and figuring out who the new me is, but about figuring out how the Spirit has led me and helped me to grow in addition to my identity before graduation. Who I am now is made possible only by who I was in seminary.

And to be honest, not much has changed. I've been slowly figuring out new norms. My long distance relationship has been challenging, but also rewarding. Skype makes the world a little bit smaller, which helps tremendously. My family has been so supportive and we stay in touch as reguarly as we can. I'm assimilating into my new environment by making friends and getting involved in social activities like going to work out at the gym and going out places with friends. So how have things been going? In reflection about where I started and where I am now with my congregation, things are going really well.

I'm feeling inspired to take back what I've learned in the seminars and bring them into my own ministry. This is still a part of that transitional space Jason talked about. What does it mean to integrate the material into my own church context? That will be my reflection time for the next couple of months as we look to revamp our Christian ed program.

One of Jason's closing thoughts was, "It's not about what we know as individuals; it's about what we know as a community." As we look towards the future and the ways we can grow as a community, I find myself excited and inspired to seek out the ways to put legs on these theories. The great thing about these seminars was that even though the focus was on how it relates to youth ministry, the materials are things that I can use in a myriad of ways all over my ministry. I can't wait to get back to Illinois and carry this momentum along with me.

Yours in the Peace of Christ,
Pastor Becki

Study Leave: Day Three

Yesterday was a busy day, filled with three workshops and one lecture by Eboo Patel who is the founder of Interfaith Youth Core. IFYC is an organization dedicated to focusing on how interfaith groups can work together for the common good of communities around the world. It was actually quite appropriate considering one of the workshops I attended yesterday had to deal with doing youth ministry in a religiously diverse world, led by IFYC worker Cassie Meyer.

This was probably my most thought-provoking workshop yesterday simply because I'm not sure how religiously diverse my church's town actually is. I couldn't tell you how much interaction with interfaith groups my youth actually encounter. My town in central Illinois is very small. As I've mentioned in other posts, we not only have a national day of prayer held downtown on the square, but the mayor encourages and supports (and places!) a large nativity scene on the downtown square for Christmas. I know there is an Islamic Center in the city over the river, but on our side of the river I'm not sure we're all that diverse. I tried to check the US Census for my town, not recalling at the time that the census is prohibited from asking questions about religion. I found the prohibition to be interesting. What would be the purpose for refraining from asking about such affiliation? The census wants to know every other little intimate detail about us, right down to our racial and economic status. We ought to be proud of our religious affiliations (or non-religious affiliations) and ready to record that as necessary. Instead, we have to share our economic status, no matter how shameful that feels sometimes.

So I've been thinking about how to get my youth involved in an interfaith dialogue. The Sunday school program at my church ends on May 1, but I'm thinking maybe with the 10th anniversary of 9-11 quickly approaching on the horizon, it might not be a bad idea to invite interfaith dialogue in our church communities. As I mentioned, the Islamic Center is right across the river, so I wonder how it would be received if I invited someone from that organization to come and do a service project with us in the interest of promoting interfaith relations.

I say do a service project because this was the suggestion in the seminar. The focus of the IFYC is to hone in on the common good for our communities. This can lead to conversation, but the foundation that the IFYC is interested in creating is an atmosphere for relationship. They work off three basic principles:

1) respect: respect for religious and non-religious identities
2) relationships: mutually inspiring relationships (you love me, I love you)
3) common action: common action for the common good.

What would this look like in our community? How do we bridge the social capital in a way that we can have interfaith relationships without being concerned about converting each other?

Someone in the seminar said this might be a great place to let the youth lead, and I think this is true. This generation is much more familiar with interfaith relations because the schools are so much more diverse than they were in the last generation or the generation before that. Immigration has opened up amazing pathways into interfaith dialogue, though sometimes we don't see it that way for a whole host of reasons. After attending the seminar, I feel encouraged to sit down with my youth and talk about their interaction with interfaith groups and see how relevant this kind of conversation would really be. I have a feeling my town might be more diverse than I think it is (especially given that I've only been their nine months).

The other two seminars I attended yesterday were "Beyond Bathrobes" -- looking at how to incorporate drama into creatively interpreting scripture or prayer in worship or youth group events -- and "Church Systems" -- looking at the various systems that go on in our churches. While I thought Church Systems was the most interesting, the seminar on youth ministry amongst religious diversity was the most thought-provoking.

I am truly enjoying my time at the seminar and I'm looking forward to my final day of workshops today.

Study Leave: Day Two

Yesterday I went to a workshop called, "Creativity and the Body of Christ." Essentially, the seminar looked at the importance of creating the worship space as a place that generates creation. The speaker, Matthew Schultz, asked the question, "Are our kids absorbing or engaging?"

He pointed out that from an early age, we (kids and adults included) are trained to absorb information. We teach them how to fill in bubbles on a scantron, but there's little proof that scantrons help prepare people for problem solving. Even in church, there comes a point where if the worship space is not fostering creativity, the worship platform is just another platform to have people absorb information. I remember reading at one point (and I can't remember where for the life of me) that worship ought not to be about how we change worship but how worship changes us. What are the ways in your own worship life that you feel inspired to be creative?

As a pastor, I hear people say, "Oh I'm not that creative" or "I'm not creative at all." The speaker yesterday pointed out that as Christians, we have a long history of creative people in scripture going before us from God creating the world to charging the human race with being creative and naming the animals to Job and David who were poets and song-writers, to Jesus who spoke in parables and encouraged his disciples to go out into the world as story tellers, and so there is a long history of creativity being an intergal part of the human experience. I think everyone has the capacity to be creative in some way if they give themselves permission to be.

Mr. Schultz used a great line yesterday. He said, speaking about creativity in the church, "It's not a wall to smash but a garden to water." We shouldn't be looking at how we can create our worship spaces to foster creativity as a wall we have to knock down between the ones who say "need" traditional liturgy every Sunday and those who want a more "contemporary" worship style. Is there a way within our congregations to marry the two without going to a second service?

In the church where I'm working, we're looking at the possibility of moving to a second service that will most likely take place Saturday nights. The hope is that an evening service will draw open the pathways for more young families with kids to feel welcomed into the church. I've been around long enough to know that for most people, because of sports and other commitments, church has lost its place as high priority in many people's lives. In the race between kid's sports, golf, and family events, church will almost always come second. I don't say that to sound negative, I say that because I know it from experience to be true. It is especially true in the spring and summer months when the weather is finally juuuust right. The comment I get about moving to having a second service is that people want us all to be worshipping in one space at one time because that's how we get to know each other. People want one service because it means the church will not grow beyond what they consider to be a "comfortable capacity."

We're not looking to become a megachurch. We're not looking to have so many members that we're unable to minister to them all and we're not looking to break any records. My session has ideally, they would just like numbers to be up where they were several years ago. I think we can do it, but we need to think outside the box about getting the younger families -- especially families with kids and youth -- involved. How can we create that spirit of creativity to encourage others to cultivate their own spirit of creativity?

It's about conversation. What are people hungry for at church and how can we invite them to make the presence known? Not "how can we count them when they sign the friendship pads" and not "how can we get them all to pay their per capita" but how can we invite them to make their presence known so they know they have a voice in the life of the church? We do this through conversation. I'm really big on communication and I believe that the majority of negative drama happens in the church as a direct result of a lack of communication. I want to know in what ways the people of my congregation are being fed and in what ways they are left with a bit of hunger.

What are the ways that our worship spaces already invites the spirit of creativity? What things can we try to increase the ways we invite a spirit of creativity? We are called to proclaim the Word in an ever-changing world. We should create an atmosphere of creativity because we are called to be creators in ways we might not even expect. As beings created in the image of God, we are created in the image with the capacity for creativty. How can we break the spell over those who do not believe they are creative? I think this would be a great conversation in whatever church we attend.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki

Study Leave: Day One

I arrived home in New Jersey late Monday night for a conference starting yesterday at Princeton Theological Seminary (my seminary) entited: "Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry." I am spending the week attending workshops geared towards exploring various ways to think outside the box with youth and young adults. As a way for me to process the information from each day, I'd like to do a little more blogging than I usually do.

Yesterday was Day One. It consisted of me arriving at the seminary at about 11 and having a little bit of time to visit with people that are still there from when I was there. They are graduating this year, but after I stopped by the conference registration table, I was able to enjoy some time in the school cafeteria with some old friends. It is so wonderful to be back in New Jersey for the week!

At opening worship, an amazing speaker named Shauna Hannan spoke from Luke 17:11-19, the story of ten made clean by Jesus with only one returning to thank Him for it. Jesus points out when the one returns, "Were not ten made clean?" Shauna then commented, "We might rephrase it, 'Were not 20 confirmed? Were not 12 baptized?'" We laughed but only because we know it's the truth. Too many youth are confirmed and then we never see them again in the church. It is not just small churches that wrestle with how to retain youth in the church. Large churches face that question as well. Part of what I'm hoping to get out of this week is insight on how to provide youth-friendly options both in worship and in youth group time that get youth excited to come to church and spend time with their church family. As someone who always came to church without question and who almost always had perfect attendance in youth group and Sunday school, it's a little harder for me to get my head around why people don't. Part of it I think has to do with upbringing. I don't think it's a "sign of the times" because this is no different for this generation than it was for the last or the one before that.

The lecture I heard last night gave some insight into what has happened between the time when church was just a given and church now being an "optional" activity, second always to sporting events, family gatherings, and sunny days on the golf course. Dr. Richard Osmer, a professor at the seminary in the Christian education and practical theology departments, spoke for about an hour on "Evangelism and the Mission of the Church in an Age of Diversity." He talked about how we can reclaim the spirit of evagelism as a way to help "wake up" the church. Evangelism, he said, is not just for non-Christians, although that's how we often think about it. I've heard it said before and Dr. Osmer kind of reiterated this: evangelism should be about conversation; not strictly about conversion.

The workshop I attended yesterday afternoon was pretty awesome. It was led by a writer named Enuma Okoro and the title of the workshop was, "Writing as Faithful Witness and Building Blocks." We did a writing exercise, shared our work, and talked about how reading and writing has an impact on our spiritual lives. I've never really thought of reading something other than scripture as a spiritual exercise, so that was an interesting highlight of the seminar. I also very much enjoyed the writing exercise and at some point I might type out what I wrote and post it on the blog.

It felt so good to see so many familar faces and catch up with people. I do miss seminary. I miss sitting in the classroom with people. I do not, however, miss exams and writing papers. I do enjoy the time I have now to read things at a more leisurely pace rather than trying to read everything to cram it all in on a deadline.

So that was Day One. Looking forward to reporting back on Day Two : )

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki