I tried for 15 minutes to respond to the comment from Tara and Blogger continued to be a pest...so this is my response, lol:
Tara: I absolutely agree. I remember a teacher saying once, "hate the sin, love the sinner" and I totally do my best to abide by that. I think what gets dangerous about our relationship to sin is that we attempt to create a heirarchy of sin; that is, ranking one sin as more sinful than other sin. Sin is anything that pulls us away from God; period. All we can do is offer all that we are to God every day of our lives and continue to strive for deeper, richer relationships with Christ. God is against sin; God loves us, though, so praise God for that!
As a pastor, I represent all three of those things that you mentioned, but I definitely think the world is at the bottom of the proverbial totem pole. God ought to be at the top and it's a challenge sometimes for us as human beings to keep Him there in all that we do.
That's what I love about the Phillipians verse: it's present tense and so our wrestling is a constant challenge. But I think wrestling with questions about our faith and our relationship with God is what keeps our faith real and our own.
I love you too :) I'm so glad you're my neighbor!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Wedding Bells
I attended a wedding yesterday for a long-time friend of mine and was so excited that I was able to go. The wedding took place in New Jersey and it just so happened that I was going to be in town anyway for a family reunion at the beach, so the timing worked out perfectly (actually, it worked out even more perfectly because a friend of the family passed away so I was able to attend the viewing as well).
The wedding was held in an episcopal church in northern NJ and I'm fascinated in the differences between our two denominations. I'm also fascinated by the similarities. It was a beautiful reminder of how regardless of polity, we're all playing for the same team.
My senses were heightened yesterday for many reasons. First of all, it's still kind of a surreal experience to be at that age where so many of my friends that are the same age as me are getting married and some of them even have kids now. Secondly, I have yet to officiate a wedding, so I'm paying close attention to wedding ceremonies to get ideas and inspiration. Thirdly, I was keenly aware of the sounds around me.
The church where this wedding was held is in an urban setting. That comes complete with all the urban sounds. Not too far out of sight is a trauma-level hospital, so at a couple points during the service we heard sirens. At another point, one of the scripture readers had to pause because a plane was flying so low overhead it made the walls shake. But then, when the priest began her homily, the world around us seemed to go silent except for the sound of the birds in the church yard. As we moved from the homily into the song "Joyful, Joyful We Adore You," it was clear to me that the Holy Spirit was in that place.
Marriage is an interesting thing and it's something that has come under such scrutiny over the last several decades, particuarly in the GLTB communities. The other day, NY legalized gay marriage. They are not the first, and I'm certain they will not be the last. A pastor friend of mine once said to me to remember that marriage is a civil institution first; then a church celebration. He didn't deny that marriage symbolizes the relationship between the church and Christ, but he also said that in legal terms, marriage is a civil institution. In order for a marriage to be legally recognized, even pastors have to follow the rules of the municipalities. I find myself agreeing with his statement to a certain extent, but I'm still torn regarding what I really believe about marriage. My church polity tells me that marriage is a religious and whole union between one man and one woman before the sight of God. But something in my heart just feels so broken when two people who love each other are forbidden to get married in a church that they love so much.
I hesitate to even write about this, and I'm really nervous doing it because I am a pastor and I do uphold the polity of the Presbyterian church and I do hope that people understand that even though pastors pledge to uphold the polity of their denominations, pastors are still human beings who are subject to the same questions of interpretation nonpastors are.
I read an article on cnn this morning (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2079861,00.html?hpt=hp_t2) that talked about whether or not marriage is really marriage if the church still won't recognize it. It made me so sad to read it (I didn't even bother to read the comments because the comments on religious articles on cnn are generally so hateful and angry I just can't read them anymore) because as a pastor, I want people to feel welcomed and loved in a church. Not rejected. To coin a phrase from Dan Kimball: I want the church to be better known for what it's for instead of always just for what we're against.
What is marriage about? Marriage is about making a pledge to unite two souls in a unqiue and special way in the eyes of God. It is about pledging fidelity and wholeness in the midst of adversity. It is about pledging the kind of love between two people that Paul admonishes us to have for each other in I Corinthians. Marriage is a symbole of the relationship that Christ has to the church as her bridegroom. Hate destroys marriage. Jealousy destroys marriage. Lack of communication destroys marriage. Divorce destroys marriage. What is it about marriage between two men or two women that destroys marriage?
Marriage is legal and religious. People who are married before the justice of the peace without religious implications present are still participating in something that cannot be legal without the religious. And those who are married in the church cannot have the religious without the legal. The legal and the reglion is bound up together, woven together in what we hope can some day become harmony.
I'm still on a journey of self-discovery to understand what I really believe about the insitution as marriage as it relates to the GLTB community. I'm also still on a journey to understand what I believe about the ordination of the GLTB community now that the language of our denomination's polity has been changed to pave the way for it. But I know this much is true for certain: God loves each of us and while there may be times He doesn't like us very much, He ALWAYS loves us. God formed each of us and knew each of us in the womb and before the womb. God took special care to mold us, piece by piece, into the beautiful men and women we are all to become. We are made new creations in Christ and we are all a work in progress because whatever we become, God is never quite finished. That's what I believe about a living, active God.
I encourage you to keep an open heart and open mind and be honest with yourself with what you believe. As you form (or hold onto) your opinions about what marriage means to you and what it means to the GLTB community, I encourage you to really read scripture, read articles, talk to people, and in essence "do your homework" so you know why you believe what you believe. Most of all, greet each other in the name of our Triune God with all the love of Christ in your hearts and treat each other with grace as God has given us grace so freely.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
The wedding was held in an episcopal church in northern NJ and I'm fascinated in the differences between our two denominations. I'm also fascinated by the similarities. It was a beautiful reminder of how regardless of polity, we're all playing for the same team.
My senses were heightened yesterday for many reasons. First of all, it's still kind of a surreal experience to be at that age where so many of my friends that are the same age as me are getting married and some of them even have kids now. Secondly, I have yet to officiate a wedding, so I'm paying close attention to wedding ceremonies to get ideas and inspiration. Thirdly, I was keenly aware of the sounds around me.
The church where this wedding was held is in an urban setting. That comes complete with all the urban sounds. Not too far out of sight is a trauma-level hospital, so at a couple points during the service we heard sirens. At another point, one of the scripture readers had to pause because a plane was flying so low overhead it made the walls shake. But then, when the priest began her homily, the world around us seemed to go silent except for the sound of the birds in the church yard. As we moved from the homily into the song "Joyful, Joyful We Adore You," it was clear to me that the Holy Spirit was in that place.
Marriage is an interesting thing and it's something that has come under such scrutiny over the last several decades, particuarly in the GLTB communities. The other day, NY legalized gay marriage. They are not the first, and I'm certain they will not be the last. A pastor friend of mine once said to me to remember that marriage is a civil institution first; then a church celebration. He didn't deny that marriage symbolizes the relationship between the church and Christ, but he also said that in legal terms, marriage is a civil institution. In order for a marriage to be legally recognized, even pastors have to follow the rules of the municipalities. I find myself agreeing with his statement to a certain extent, but I'm still torn regarding what I really believe about marriage. My church polity tells me that marriage is a religious and whole union between one man and one woman before the sight of God. But something in my heart just feels so broken when two people who love each other are forbidden to get married in a church that they love so much.
I hesitate to even write about this, and I'm really nervous doing it because I am a pastor and I do uphold the polity of the Presbyterian church and I do hope that people understand that even though pastors pledge to uphold the polity of their denominations, pastors are still human beings who are subject to the same questions of interpretation nonpastors are.
I read an article on cnn this morning (http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2079861,00.html?hpt=hp_t2) that talked about whether or not marriage is really marriage if the church still won't recognize it. It made me so sad to read it (I didn't even bother to read the comments because the comments on religious articles on cnn are generally so hateful and angry I just can't read them anymore) because as a pastor, I want people to feel welcomed and loved in a church. Not rejected. To coin a phrase from Dan Kimball: I want the church to be better known for what it's for instead of always just for what we're against.
What is marriage about? Marriage is about making a pledge to unite two souls in a unqiue and special way in the eyes of God. It is about pledging fidelity and wholeness in the midst of adversity. It is about pledging the kind of love between two people that Paul admonishes us to have for each other in I Corinthians. Marriage is a symbole of the relationship that Christ has to the church as her bridegroom. Hate destroys marriage. Jealousy destroys marriage. Lack of communication destroys marriage. Divorce destroys marriage. What is it about marriage between two men or two women that destroys marriage?
Marriage is legal and religious. People who are married before the justice of the peace without religious implications present are still participating in something that cannot be legal without the religious. And those who are married in the church cannot have the religious without the legal. The legal and the reglion is bound up together, woven together in what we hope can some day become harmony.
I'm still on a journey of self-discovery to understand what I really believe about the insitution as marriage as it relates to the GLTB community. I'm also still on a journey to understand what I believe about the ordination of the GLTB community now that the language of our denomination's polity has been changed to pave the way for it. But I know this much is true for certain: God loves each of us and while there may be times He doesn't like us very much, He ALWAYS loves us. God formed each of us and knew each of us in the womb and before the womb. God took special care to mold us, piece by piece, into the beautiful men and women we are all to become. We are made new creations in Christ and we are all a work in progress because whatever we become, God is never quite finished. That's what I believe about a living, active God.
I encourage you to keep an open heart and open mind and be honest with yourself with what you believe. As you form (or hold onto) your opinions about what marriage means to you and what it means to the GLTB community, I encourage you to really read scripture, read articles, talk to people, and in essence "do your homework" so you know why you believe what you believe. Most of all, greet each other in the name of our Triune God with all the love of Christ in your hearts and treat each other with grace as God has given us grace so freely.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Carpe Diem
I really should read the "Book of Confessions" more often.
Now you're probably thinking one of three things: 1) What is the Book of Confessions? 2) Umm...you're a pastor. Why aren't you reading the BOC more often? or 3) Oh no. Here comes a polity lesson.
So let me answer all of these questions: 1) The Book of Confessions is not a book by a bunch of people who wanted to record a list of all the things they've done wrong. It's the first part of the consitution of the PC (USA) and the confessions are a series of creeds, confessions, statements, and catechisms all written at different times and places in the world and they contain the foundations of our faith. They are confessing what we believe as Christians united in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
2) I'm not reading it more often because like most people, I'm busy and even though I'm reading a bunch of other stuff, I'm not always reading about polity.
3) I'm not giving you a polity lesson, so stop worrying!
This coming Sunday is Trinity Sunday. In preparation for my sermon, I picked up my Book of Confessions for inspiriation about how to approach Trinity Sunday. It's not the biggest day on our liturgical calendar by any means. It's a big deal, but we don't often make it a big deal in worship (some probably do, but I've never experienced it as a big deal in church). I don't want to just try and look at the Trinity like it's some mathematical equation that we as Christians have to solve. I turned to the Confession of 1967 and read this in the preface: "The purpose of the Confession of 1967 is to call the church to that unity in confession and mission which is required of disciples today. This Confession is not a 'system of doctrine,' nor does it include all the traditional topics of theology. For example, the Trinity and the Person of Christ are not defined, but are recognized and reaffired as forming the basis and determining the structure of the Christian faith." (emphasis mine). I think that's an important observation that the confession doesn't attempt to "explain" the Trinity, but it affirms it as part of the foundation of our faith. That was the first thing I thought, "wow, that's something good to keep in mind as I prepare my sermon."
Then, as I was reading through the confession, I read this: "Life is a gift to be received with gratitude and a task to be pursued with courage."
And there I stopped because I found that statement incredibly profound. Life is a GIFT to be received with gratitude and a TASK to be pursued with courage. How often do we find ourselves in that place where we wish we had someone else's life? We want to be that person who won the lottery. We want to be that person who was able to use "petty cash" to give their kitchen and bathroom an AWESOME makeover. We want to be the mother that is the envy of other mothers, the hostess with the mostest, and the teachers and preachers that other people in our field aspire to be like. You know you do this. I know that I do this. Maybe not all the time, but occassionally, we all do this. Sometimes it seems like human beings just weren't created with the wherewithall to be comfortable with who we are.
Looking at life as a gift is something I think most of us were tought from a young age. If you've ever seen the movie "Dead Poet's Society" with Robin Williams and a host of other awesome characters, you remember the big emphasis in that movie of the line, "Carpe Diem" : Seize the Day. I've heard over and over to look at life like a gift. I've never thought of life as a task to be pursued with courage.
Sometimes it feels like we are constantly trying to figure out who we are and what our role in the world happens to be. It takes a conscious effort to cultivate that spirit of thanksgiving that brings us to a place where we can say with confidence that we are children of God, each created with individual care and love by our Almighty Creator. In a world that teaches us to always be better, it's frightening to think that we can ever be truly happy with who we are.
But that's what this confession says to me. Maybe not so much, "Be happy with who you are" and not even so much "only do the things you love" because let's face it: sometimes we have to do things we hate. But if we look at the things we do as a part of the gift of life that God gives us, how does that change how we perceive our to-do lists? How do we actively pursue life as a task of courage?
I encourage you to think about how in your own life you perceive life as a gift to be received with gratitude and a task to be pursued with courage. In thinking about your every day tasks, what kind of courage does it take to say "I'm doing this not because I'm necessarily thrilled to be doing it, but I'm doing this because this is where God is calling me to be right now"? And how often are you doing the things that you love simply because you love to do them?
God made you and God loves you. God took special care to put your life together piece by piece and even when life is tough, God took special care to make sure that He is with you every step of the way. May you find ways to see life as a gift and may you receive it with gratitude. May you also see life as as a task to be pursued with courage and may you feel God with you giving you that courage to Carpe Diem: seize the day.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
ps: back to the BOC...
Now you're probably thinking one of three things: 1) What is the Book of Confessions? 2) Umm...you're a pastor. Why aren't you reading the BOC more often? or 3) Oh no. Here comes a polity lesson.
So let me answer all of these questions: 1) The Book of Confessions is not a book by a bunch of people who wanted to record a list of all the things they've done wrong. It's the first part of the consitution of the PC (USA) and the confessions are a series of creeds, confessions, statements, and catechisms all written at different times and places in the world and they contain the foundations of our faith. They are confessing what we believe as Christians united in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
2) I'm not reading it more often because like most people, I'm busy and even though I'm reading a bunch of other stuff, I'm not always reading about polity.
3) I'm not giving you a polity lesson, so stop worrying!
This coming Sunday is Trinity Sunday. In preparation for my sermon, I picked up my Book of Confessions for inspiriation about how to approach Trinity Sunday. It's not the biggest day on our liturgical calendar by any means. It's a big deal, but we don't often make it a big deal in worship (some probably do, but I've never experienced it as a big deal in church). I don't want to just try and look at the Trinity like it's some mathematical equation that we as Christians have to solve. I turned to the Confession of 1967 and read this in the preface: "The purpose of the Confession of 1967 is to call the church to that unity in confession and mission which is required of disciples today. This Confession is not a 'system of doctrine,' nor does it include all the traditional topics of theology. For example, the Trinity and the Person of Christ are not defined, but are recognized and reaffired as forming the basis and determining the structure of the Christian faith." (emphasis mine). I think that's an important observation that the confession doesn't attempt to "explain" the Trinity, but it affirms it as part of the foundation of our faith. That was the first thing I thought, "wow, that's something good to keep in mind as I prepare my sermon."
Then, as I was reading through the confession, I read this: "Life is a gift to be received with gratitude and a task to be pursued with courage."
And there I stopped because I found that statement incredibly profound. Life is a GIFT to be received with gratitude and a TASK to be pursued with courage. How often do we find ourselves in that place where we wish we had someone else's life? We want to be that person who won the lottery. We want to be that person who was able to use "petty cash" to give their kitchen and bathroom an AWESOME makeover. We want to be the mother that is the envy of other mothers, the hostess with the mostest, and the teachers and preachers that other people in our field aspire to be like. You know you do this. I know that I do this. Maybe not all the time, but occassionally, we all do this. Sometimes it seems like human beings just weren't created with the wherewithall to be comfortable with who we are.
Looking at life as a gift is something I think most of us were tought from a young age. If you've ever seen the movie "Dead Poet's Society" with Robin Williams and a host of other awesome characters, you remember the big emphasis in that movie of the line, "Carpe Diem" : Seize the Day. I've heard over and over to look at life like a gift. I've never thought of life as a task to be pursued with courage.
Sometimes it feels like we are constantly trying to figure out who we are and what our role in the world happens to be. It takes a conscious effort to cultivate that spirit of thanksgiving that brings us to a place where we can say with confidence that we are children of God, each created with individual care and love by our Almighty Creator. In a world that teaches us to always be better, it's frightening to think that we can ever be truly happy with who we are.
But that's what this confession says to me. Maybe not so much, "Be happy with who you are" and not even so much "only do the things you love" because let's face it: sometimes we have to do things we hate. But if we look at the things we do as a part of the gift of life that God gives us, how does that change how we perceive our to-do lists? How do we actively pursue life as a task of courage?
I encourage you to think about how in your own life you perceive life as a gift to be received with gratitude and a task to be pursued with courage. In thinking about your every day tasks, what kind of courage does it take to say "I'm doing this not because I'm necessarily thrilled to be doing it, but I'm doing this because this is where God is calling me to be right now"? And how often are you doing the things that you love simply because you love to do them?
God made you and God loves you. God took special care to put your life together piece by piece and even when life is tough, God took special care to make sure that He is with you every step of the way. May you find ways to see life as a gift and may you receive it with gratitude. May you also see life as as a task to be pursued with courage and may you feel God with you giving you that courage to Carpe Diem: seize the day.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
ps: back to the BOC...
Friday, June 3, 2011
Summer Goals
Well, it's June. June in Illinois is a lot different from June in New Jersey. In Illinois, school is out. Kids are looking forward to May because graduation is in May. The school work ends in May. June is all summer. In New Jersey, graduations are in June. Finals are in June. School ends in June. The last week of June is summer is the first full month of summer is actually July. Of course school has ended for me in May since starting college, but I still have that mentality that summer doesn't really start until the public schools let out in June.
I don't actually like summer. I know, weird, right? I appreciated time off from school, but I'm not a fan of heat. I am a fan of swimming and I plan on doing a lot of swimming this summer.
And applying lots of sun screen. Lots and lots and lots of sunscreen.
But I have other goals this summer. I'm about a week away from my ten-month anniversary of being in this church and as I start looking two months ahead to my yearly review, I'm setting some summer goals to get me there.
1) Read more. I didn't do a whole lot of reading this past year even though I bought a ton of books. I think part of it had to do with the culture shock of not having to read. In seminary, you're given a reading list that increases the amount of paper you own exponentially. And I can't remember any week of seminary where I got every single word read that I was supposed to read. So getting out of seminary it was like, "Wait...I don't have to have anything read by this weekend!" Over the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to read more. I even bought a kindle this past week. The kindle serves two purposes: first, I can upload sermons and worship plans to it so I'm hoping to save the church a lot of paper. Second, I can put multiple books on one source and not bring a library home with me when I go on vacation. And oh won't it be awesome on the plane!
But I do want to read more. And I want to read things about topics I don't usually read about. Currently I'm working through two books. I'm reading "They Like Jesus But Not the Church" by Dan Kimball, which is a look at why emerging generations (twenty-somethings) love Jesus but cringe when you ask them what they think about the church. As a pastor who falls into that age group, it's an interesting read. The other book I'm reading is very much outside of what I consider my "reading culture norm." It's called "Acts of Faith: The story of an American Muslim, the struggle for the soul of a generation" by Eboo Patel and it's about his work striving for a culture that embraces interfaith relations. I don't have a whole lot of interaction with people outside the Christian faith. I'm in what Dan Kimball calls in his book the "Christian bubble." Which leads me to my second goal.
2) To make more friends outside of the church. It took me 10 months, but I'm starting to get to the point where I'm hungry for something outside of my apartment and outside of my church. I'm not even necessarily looking for Christian friends or "churchy" friends. I want to go to concerts and hang out with people who aren't going to ask me about things coming up at the church. I have a couple of friends from the church who treat me more like a friend and less like a pastor and I love that, but I'm hungry for more community within the community, or even in the city across the river.
3) Use my gym membership. The thing about a year-long contract at a gym is that you're stuck paying for it whether you utlitize it or not. As gas tips over the $4 range (again! ugh.) it seems like it makes sense to use what I pay for. And since the temperatures outside are not going to be very forgiving this year -- though I will be in the pool a lot! -- I plan on going to the gym a couple times a week to make up for it. Besides: I can make friends at the gym who aren't connected to my church.
4) Pray more. I've been doing a little soul searching and the fact of the matter is, I don't have much of a prayer life. I admit that freely to you as a pastor. I pray in church when we pray corporately and occassionally I'll mention a few things to God in passing, but I don't really have a disciplined spiritual life. So this summer I'm going to spend a lot of time working on my own spiritual health so I'm better equipped to guide the spiritual health of my church. It was nice to be at the retreat center and do the labyrinth, but what does spiritual health for me look like now that I'm back in my routine (albeit a summer routine)? That's the kind of self-exploration I'm doing this summer.
In January, I told you my New Year's Resolution was to live more simply. I think I've been doing that in some ways. No, I'm not taking shorter showers, but I'm being a lot more cautious about spending. I'm shopping less. I'm simplifying my schedule and taking more time out for myself. But I haven't, by any means, broken any glass ceilings. There's always room for more simplification (is that even a word?). Hopefully by working towards my four summer goals, the result is that I put more effort into working towards my ultimate New Year's goal.
What are you hoping for this summer? Do you have a reading list or a vacation list? Does it feel like you're already tired of summer because you know all you'll be doing is running around from one activity to another? Do you need to do a "faith check in" to see how, six months into the year, you're faring in your relationship with God this year?
I wish you all the best and most of all, I wish you peace.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
I don't actually like summer. I know, weird, right? I appreciated time off from school, but I'm not a fan of heat. I am a fan of swimming and I plan on doing a lot of swimming this summer.
And applying lots of sun screen. Lots and lots and lots of sunscreen.
But I have other goals this summer. I'm about a week away from my ten-month anniversary of being in this church and as I start looking two months ahead to my yearly review, I'm setting some summer goals to get me there.
1) Read more. I didn't do a whole lot of reading this past year even though I bought a ton of books. I think part of it had to do with the culture shock of not having to read. In seminary, you're given a reading list that increases the amount of paper you own exponentially. And I can't remember any week of seminary where I got every single word read that I was supposed to read. So getting out of seminary it was like, "Wait...I don't have to have anything read by this weekend!" Over the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to read more. I even bought a kindle this past week. The kindle serves two purposes: first, I can upload sermons and worship plans to it so I'm hoping to save the church a lot of paper. Second, I can put multiple books on one source and not bring a library home with me when I go on vacation. And oh won't it be awesome on the plane!
But I do want to read more. And I want to read things about topics I don't usually read about. Currently I'm working through two books. I'm reading "They Like Jesus But Not the Church" by Dan Kimball, which is a look at why emerging generations (twenty-somethings) love Jesus but cringe when you ask them what they think about the church. As a pastor who falls into that age group, it's an interesting read. The other book I'm reading is very much outside of what I consider my "reading culture norm." It's called "Acts of Faith: The story of an American Muslim, the struggle for the soul of a generation" by Eboo Patel and it's about his work striving for a culture that embraces interfaith relations. I don't have a whole lot of interaction with people outside the Christian faith. I'm in what Dan Kimball calls in his book the "Christian bubble." Which leads me to my second goal.
2) To make more friends outside of the church. It took me 10 months, but I'm starting to get to the point where I'm hungry for something outside of my apartment and outside of my church. I'm not even necessarily looking for Christian friends or "churchy" friends. I want to go to concerts and hang out with people who aren't going to ask me about things coming up at the church. I have a couple of friends from the church who treat me more like a friend and less like a pastor and I love that, but I'm hungry for more community within the community, or even in the city across the river.
3) Use my gym membership. The thing about a year-long contract at a gym is that you're stuck paying for it whether you utlitize it or not. As gas tips over the $4 range (again! ugh.) it seems like it makes sense to use what I pay for. And since the temperatures outside are not going to be very forgiving this year -- though I will be in the pool a lot! -- I plan on going to the gym a couple times a week to make up for it. Besides: I can make friends at the gym who aren't connected to my church.
4) Pray more. I've been doing a little soul searching and the fact of the matter is, I don't have much of a prayer life. I admit that freely to you as a pastor. I pray in church when we pray corporately and occassionally I'll mention a few things to God in passing, but I don't really have a disciplined spiritual life. So this summer I'm going to spend a lot of time working on my own spiritual health so I'm better equipped to guide the spiritual health of my church. It was nice to be at the retreat center and do the labyrinth, but what does spiritual health for me look like now that I'm back in my routine (albeit a summer routine)? That's the kind of self-exploration I'm doing this summer.
In January, I told you my New Year's Resolution was to live more simply. I think I've been doing that in some ways. No, I'm not taking shorter showers, but I'm being a lot more cautious about spending. I'm shopping less. I'm simplifying my schedule and taking more time out for myself. But I haven't, by any means, broken any glass ceilings. There's always room for more simplification (is that even a word?). Hopefully by working towards my four summer goals, the result is that I put more effort into working towards my ultimate New Year's goal.
What are you hoping for this summer? Do you have a reading list or a vacation list? Does it feel like you're already tired of summer because you know all you'll be doing is running around from one activity to another? Do you need to do a "faith check in" to see how, six months into the year, you're faring in your relationship with God this year?
I wish you all the best and most of all, I wish you peace.
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
Sunday, May 22, 2011
IDK
IDK is blogspeak for "I don't know."
I don't know.
You don't know.
Neither pastors nor laypersons know.
No one knows. And here's why:
"Keep awake, therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
As a pastor (and a Christian) I've been getting a lot of questions lately regarding "Doomsday." It's interesting. When I was driving back from New Jersey to Illinois, I saw a bunch of billboards proclaiming May 21st to be the end of the world. Or at least the rapture. The real "end of the world" is in October after we've had five months of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Some people really bought into this to the point where they were emptying out bank accounts and either a) giving all their money away or b) spending all their money on lavish vacations because why not? The world is going to end soon. And May 22 rolled around. Low and behold, those people are still here. The tremendous earth quakes did not swallow us whole (although a volcano did erupt in Iceland).
But here we are on May 22 and we're still here. Sure, people left piles of clothes on their lawns as a way to make fun of those who really believed the world was going to come to an end yesterday. There's a part of me that wonders if all the people who really bought into it yesterday realized they were still here and decided that meant they were not chosen. Now we all have to suffer together. Is this damaging to faith? What if you really bought into doomsday on 5/21/11? Do you stop believing in God because no one came to gather up the believers?
I certainly hope not, and my heart goes out to the group that bought into this because I can't even imagine what's going through their heads right now.
And we will be having this same conversation a year from now when we start getting closer to December 2012.
So people have been turning to me and asking me what I think about the whole thing. Do I believe in the rapture? Absolutely. Scripture tells us that Jesus will come and gather up His believers. Our bridegroom will arrive, but here's the kicker: We don't know the day or the time.
Jesus says keep awake! because you don't know when He's coming. The rapture could happen tomorrow. It could happen three minutes from now. It could happen three centuries or three milenia from now. We just don't know. We can't calculate. People try to calculate it, and they take great leaps and bounds to make their equations give them an exact date and time. But Jesus tells us not to worry about what comes next because whatever happens, God is going to take care of us. God knows the day and the time and that's all we need to know. Anything else we claim to know is just our way of playing God which is what got us kicked out of Eden in the first place.
Keep awake. I'm all for evangelism telling people to believe that Christ saved them and recognize how Christ is active in their lives and hearts. But to tell people that there is a deadline is just foolishness. Of course there's a deadline, but we will never never never be able to predict for sure when that is.
So what do I think about this whole thing? I think we put much stock in equations. We want to know what happens, want to know when, want to know when our bodily expiration dates happen to be. You know something, though? I don't want to know. I just hope that if I'm still alive when the end of the world gets here, I'm not alone. I want to be with someone I love. And hopefully when that end comes, I'm not left behind.
Hopefully you aren't either. But don't get caught up in a whirlwind of propoganda from people claiming to have all the answers because they are just as subject to God's ambiguity as the rest of us. I worry about enough things on a daily basis; I'll leave the worrying about the end of the world to God. That's his department and one less thing I have to be responsible for.
I don't know.
You don't know.
Neither pastors nor laypersons know.
No one knows. And here's why:
"Keep awake, therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour." (Matthew 25:13)
As a pastor (and a Christian) I've been getting a lot of questions lately regarding "Doomsday." It's interesting. When I was driving back from New Jersey to Illinois, I saw a bunch of billboards proclaiming May 21st to be the end of the world. Or at least the rapture. The real "end of the world" is in October after we've had five months of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Some people really bought into this to the point where they were emptying out bank accounts and either a) giving all their money away or b) spending all their money on lavish vacations because why not? The world is going to end soon. And May 22 rolled around. Low and behold, those people are still here. The tremendous earth quakes did not swallow us whole (although a volcano did erupt in Iceland).
But here we are on May 22 and we're still here. Sure, people left piles of clothes on their lawns as a way to make fun of those who really believed the world was going to come to an end yesterday. There's a part of me that wonders if all the people who really bought into it yesterday realized they were still here and decided that meant they were not chosen. Now we all have to suffer together. Is this damaging to faith? What if you really bought into doomsday on 5/21/11? Do you stop believing in God because no one came to gather up the believers?
I certainly hope not, and my heart goes out to the group that bought into this because I can't even imagine what's going through their heads right now.
And we will be having this same conversation a year from now when we start getting closer to December 2012.
So people have been turning to me and asking me what I think about the whole thing. Do I believe in the rapture? Absolutely. Scripture tells us that Jesus will come and gather up His believers. Our bridegroom will arrive, but here's the kicker: We don't know the day or the time.
Jesus says keep awake! because you don't know when He's coming. The rapture could happen tomorrow. It could happen three minutes from now. It could happen three centuries or three milenia from now. We just don't know. We can't calculate. People try to calculate it, and they take great leaps and bounds to make their equations give them an exact date and time. But Jesus tells us not to worry about what comes next because whatever happens, God is going to take care of us. God knows the day and the time and that's all we need to know. Anything else we claim to know is just our way of playing God which is what got us kicked out of Eden in the first place.
Keep awake. I'm all for evangelism telling people to believe that Christ saved them and recognize how Christ is active in their lives and hearts. But to tell people that there is a deadline is just foolishness. Of course there's a deadline, but we will never never never be able to predict for sure when that is.
So what do I think about this whole thing? I think we put much stock in equations. We want to know what happens, want to know when, want to know when our bodily expiration dates happen to be. You know something, though? I don't want to know. I just hope that if I'm still alive when the end of the world gets here, I'm not alone. I want to be with someone I love. And hopefully when that end comes, I'm not left behind.
Hopefully you aren't either. But don't get caught up in a whirlwind of propoganda from people claiming to have all the answers because they are just as subject to God's ambiguity as the rest of us. I worry about enough things on a daily basis; I'll leave the worrying about the end of the world to God. That's his department and one less thing I have to be responsible for.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
As the Deer
I had a really cool experience this morning that I wanted to share with you.
I'm currently in Rochester Indiana at the Geneva Center participating in a new pastor seminar sponsored by my synod. It's been a good time for reflection, I've reconnected with some friends from seminary, and made some new friends.
This morning I got up and showered at 6:30 (which is really 5:30 for me because I'm visiting the Eastern Time Zone where it's an hour ahead from what I'm now used to) and I went outside to walk the camp's outdoor labyrinth. Stretched out in one row, the camp director said the labyrinth is about a mile long, so as you can imagine, it was a good, long walk. I've walked a lot of labyrinths over the years, but nothing compared to this experience.
The ground in which the labyrinth was laid is sand. At first I thought wearing flip flops to do this was a poor idea because it's not soft sand: it's gravely sand. I was going to go back in and change my shoes, but decided sneakers would be worse because all the gravely sand would get stuck in my sneakers. So I stayed in flipflops and it was easy to kick the sand out from the shoe. As I was making loops and processing in my mind all the things that have been weighing down my heart lately, I noticed something I've never seen while I'm doing a labyrinth before: I noticed my footprints in the sand. Seeing my footprints and paying attention to the ground made for an interesting thought process as I considered the journey and emotional rollar coaster that is ministry. I saw my footprints from where I've been in my journey on the labyrinth and thought about where I've come over the last 9 months since starting at this church in Illinois. Interestingly, watching my own footprints led me to see footprints of others who had walked the labyrinth, including quite a few deer tracks.
Part of the labyrinth wound around a group of evergreen trees and the sand was blanketed by a bed of pine needles. Walking on the needles was much softer than the gravely sand and actually made for an easier walk. But I couldn't see my footprints (do we spend a lot of time reflecting on the parts of the journey that are easy or do we focus on the parts that were difficult so we can either a) dwell on them or b) learn from them?). Also, since the path wound around trees, there were times when the trees were actually directly in my path and I had to change my course and walk around them (what roadblocks do we run into on our journeys that make us change our couses? are they comfortable roadblocks or do we tense up with anxiety over them?).
Whenever I noticed myself wondering how much more of the labyrinth I had to walk, I intentionally stopped walking and closed my eyes to listen to the early morning birds. I spend too much time worrying about getting to the next thing; it does me a world of good to make deliberate pauses to remind me that ministry means my time is God's time, not my own.
After about 45 minutes, I came to the center of the labyrinth where there were six large boulders that you can sit on. So I sat down with some kind of preconceived notion over what I was going to think or pray about. I had only been sitting still for about thirty seconds before I heard a rustle behind me. I slowly turned my head around to face the woods and these three deer came walking out of the bushes. They walked very slowly and deliberately, keeping their ears perked up and their eyes directly focused on me. After about a minute of just staring at each other, they started to lower their heads and graze.
Then it got interesting.
The biggest deer (not a buck...at least not one with antlers) started to come closer to me. He or she would snort and then stomp a hoof. Then she/he'd bow his/her head and snort and stomp again with the other foot. I've never heard a deer snort before. Then the deer walked over the first row of the labyrinth. Now this deer is about forty feet from me. He stepped closer and got as close as thirty feet. I sat perfectly still, not moving to get the hair out of my face that the wind blew, not even moving to get rid of the mosquito that was setting to work on my ankle (ughhh...so itchy now!). We stared at each other for a while until the deer scampered back to the others. He did it again a few minutes later and this continued for about fifteen minutes: I sat on the rock and then grazed while watching me closely and coming in and out of the first ring of the labyrinth. Finally, they disappeared back into the woods.
I've never been that close to wild deer before. It was an amazing experience not just to be in the presence of these animals, but to be....that....still. For me to be that still is an achievement all by itself. My usual prayer in the labyrinth is "Dear God, stop me so you can move me." And in that experience this morning, God really stopped me and for about fifteen minutes the world was silent and empty except for those deer and me. I truly felt the Spirit in those fifteen minutes.
I'm not going to walk the labyrinth again while I'm here because I know I will go to the labyrinth with the expectation of the experience being repeated. It's not a good idea to go before God with preconceptions, so I want to treasure the experience I had this morning. It was really beautiful and I saw the experience of the labyrinth in a way I've never seen it before.
I encourage you to think about your own journeys. How is God calling you to be still before Him? Where is God calling you to be? Where have you come from that has gotten you to where you are? If you have an opportunity to walk a labyrinth, take it. If not, find a quite walking route that doesn't have a lot of noise pollution and just walk with God. Pay attention to your journey and think about all your footprints whether you can see them or not.
The interesting thing about seeing my footsteps in the sand was that I can see where I've been, but I can't retrace them. That's not how the labyrinth is set up. That is your theological fodder for the day.
Wishing you the peace of Christ,
Pastor Becki
I'm currently in Rochester Indiana at the Geneva Center participating in a new pastor seminar sponsored by my synod. It's been a good time for reflection, I've reconnected with some friends from seminary, and made some new friends.
This morning I got up and showered at 6:30 (which is really 5:30 for me because I'm visiting the Eastern Time Zone where it's an hour ahead from what I'm now used to) and I went outside to walk the camp's outdoor labyrinth. Stretched out in one row, the camp director said the labyrinth is about a mile long, so as you can imagine, it was a good, long walk. I've walked a lot of labyrinths over the years, but nothing compared to this experience.
The ground in which the labyrinth was laid is sand. At first I thought wearing flip flops to do this was a poor idea because it's not soft sand: it's gravely sand. I was going to go back in and change my shoes, but decided sneakers would be worse because all the gravely sand would get stuck in my sneakers. So I stayed in flipflops and it was easy to kick the sand out from the shoe. As I was making loops and processing in my mind all the things that have been weighing down my heart lately, I noticed something I've never seen while I'm doing a labyrinth before: I noticed my footprints in the sand. Seeing my footprints and paying attention to the ground made for an interesting thought process as I considered the journey and emotional rollar coaster that is ministry. I saw my footprints from where I've been in my journey on the labyrinth and thought about where I've come over the last 9 months since starting at this church in Illinois. Interestingly, watching my own footprints led me to see footprints of others who had walked the labyrinth, including quite a few deer tracks.
Part of the labyrinth wound around a group of evergreen trees and the sand was blanketed by a bed of pine needles. Walking on the needles was much softer than the gravely sand and actually made for an easier walk. But I couldn't see my footprints (do we spend a lot of time reflecting on the parts of the journey that are easy or do we focus on the parts that were difficult so we can either a) dwell on them or b) learn from them?). Also, since the path wound around trees, there were times when the trees were actually directly in my path and I had to change my course and walk around them (what roadblocks do we run into on our journeys that make us change our couses? are they comfortable roadblocks or do we tense up with anxiety over them?).
Whenever I noticed myself wondering how much more of the labyrinth I had to walk, I intentionally stopped walking and closed my eyes to listen to the early morning birds. I spend too much time worrying about getting to the next thing; it does me a world of good to make deliberate pauses to remind me that ministry means my time is God's time, not my own.
After about 45 minutes, I came to the center of the labyrinth where there were six large boulders that you can sit on. So I sat down with some kind of preconceived notion over what I was going to think or pray about. I had only been sitting still for about thirty seconds before I heard a rustle behind me. I slowly turned my head around to face the woods and these three deer came walking out of the bushes. They walked very slowly and deliberately, keeping their ears perked up and their eyes directly focused on me. After about a minute of just staring at each other, they started to lower their heads and graze.
Then it got interesting.
The biggest deer (not a buck...at least not one with antlers) started to come closer to me. He or she would snort and then stomp a hoof. Then she/he'd bow his/her head and snort and stomp again with the other foot. I've never heard a deer snort before. Then the deer walked over the first row of the labyrinth. Now this deer is about forty feet from me. He stepped closer and got as close as thirty feet. I sat perfectly still, not moving to get the hair out of my face that the wind blew, not even moving to get rid of the mosquito that was setting to work on my ankle (ughhh...so itchy now!). We stared at each other for a while until the deer scampered back to the others. He did it again a few minutes later and this continued for about fifteen minutes: I sat on the rock and then grazed while watching me closely and coming in and out of the first ring of the labyrinth. Finally, they disappeared back into the woods.
I've never been that close to wild deer before. It was an amazing experience not just to be in the presence of these animals, but to be....that....still. For me to be that still is an achievement all by itself. My usual prayer in the labyrinth is "Dear God, stop me so you can move me." And in that experience this morning, God really stopped me and for about fifteen minutes the world was silent and empty except for those deer and me. I truly felt the Spirit in those fifteen minutes.
I'm not going to walk the labyrinth again while I'm here because I know I will go to the labyrinth with the expectation of the experience being repeated. It's not a good idea to go before God with preconceptions, so I want to treasure the experience I had this morning. It was really beautiful and I saw the experience of the labyrinth in a way I've never seen it before.
I encourage you to think about your own journeys. How is God calling you to be still before Him? Where is God calling you to be? Where have you come from that has gotten you to where you are? If you have an opportunity to walk a labyrinth, take it. If not, find a quite walking route that doesn't have a lot of noise pollution and just walk with God. Pay attention to your journey and think about all your footprints whether you can see them or not.
The interesting thing about seeing my footsteps in the sand was that I can see where I've been, but I can't retrace them. That's not how the labyrinth is set up. That is your theological fodder for the day.
Wishing you the peace of Christ,
Pastor Becki
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Study Leave: Day Four
Yesterday was the last day of workshops. Tomorrow I drive back to Illinois. I'm feeling somewhat energized about bringing back to my church all the things I took out of the seminars. The nice thing about doing this kind of forum in the spring time when tomorrow is the last day of Sunday school is that I now have the rest of the summer to pull together some kind of youth task force to talk about plans for the middle and high schoolers come fall. I also am excited about the new additions for my library!
Yesterday I only had one workshop and it was called, "Pracademia," led by Jason Santos. Jason was actually one of my preceptors when I was in seminary and the workshop was geared towards encouraging us as participants to do some soul searching within a faith group to find a sense of truth in that space between the academic and the practitioner. In other words, how do we maintain a student-and-pastor mentality instead of student or pastor. And he emphasized the hyphens, which really illustrated his point. This is something that actually really spoke to me yesterday since I've been living in this transition between being a seminary graduate and a new pastor. The faith group that Jason mentioned consists of a couple of people who are outside of the school and church but are part of a circle of trust, creating a safe space for exploration of how the Holy Spirit works in our individual lives.
It's about integration.
Jason encouraged us to face our monsters. He said, "Our monsters are not our enemies. Our monsters are our guides to the depths of our souls. They will lead us to our deepest fears, which is where we will also find wholeness." As pastors, we bring a certain degree of baggage into the pulpit. Some pastors bring more than others. For me -- and my congregation knows this -- my baggage coming into the new church was the fact that everything for me was so unbelievably new and everything last summer happened so quickly. There wasn't really time for me to really think about what being a seminary graduate meant, although in retrospect that might be a good thing. I entered ministry with a lot of homesickness, and maybe even a bit of resentment towards God for making following his directions mean that I had to move 900 miles away from everyone I knew. I've started a new life, though certain aspects of my old life are still an active part of my new existence. My task has been to find that new norm, that new space to integrate the new ordained Rebecca Weltmann with the previous versions of my self. As Jason pointed out, it's not about ceasing to be whoever I was before graduation and figuring out who the new me is, but about figuring out how the Spirit has led me and helped me to grow in addition to my identity before graduation. Who I am now is made possible only by who I was in seminary.
And to be honest, not much has changed. I've been slowly figuring out new norms. My long distance relationship has been challenging, but also rewarding. Skype makes the world a little bit smaller, which helps tremendously. My family has been so supportive and we stay in touch as reguarly as we can. I'm assimilating into my new environment by making friends and getting involved in social activities like going to work out at the gym and going out places with friends. So how have things been going? In reflection about where I started and where I am now with my congregation, things are going really well.
I'm feeling inspired to take back what I've learned in the seminars and bring them into my own ministry. This is still a part of that transitional space Jason talked about. What does it mean to integrate the material into my own church context? That will be my reflection time for the next couple of months as we look to revamp our Christian ed program.
One of Jason's closing thoughts was, "It's not about what we know as individuals; it's about what we know as a community." As we look towards the future and the ways we can grow as a community, I find myself excited and inspired to seek out the ways to put legs on these theories. The great thing about these seminars was that even though the focus was on how it relates to youth ministry, the materials are things that I can use in a myriad of ways all over my ministry. I can't wait to get back to Illinois and carry this momentum along with me.
Yours in the Peace of Christ,
Pastor Becki
Yesterday I only had one workshop and it was called, "Pracademia," led by Jason Santos. Jason was actually one of my preceptors when I was in seminary and the workshop was geared towards encouraging us as participants to do some soul searching within a faith group to find a sense of truth in that space between the academic and the practitioner. In other words, how do we maintain a student-and-pastor mentality instead of student or pastor. And he emphasized the hyphens, which really illustrated his point. This is something that actually really spoke to me yesterday since I've been living in this transition between being a seminary graduate and a new pastor. The faith group that Jason mentioned consists of a couple of people who are outside of the school and church but are part of a circle of trust, creating a safe space for exploration of how the Holy Spirit works in our individual lives.
It's about integration.
Jason encouraged us to face our monsters. He said, "Our monsters are not our enemies. Our monsters are our guides to the depths of our souls. They will lead us to our deepest fears, which is where we will also find wholeness." As pastors, we bring a certain degree of baggage into the pulpit. Some pastors bring more than others. For me -- and my congregation knows this -- my baggage coming into the new church was the fact that everything for me was so unbelievably new and everything last summer happened so quickly. There wasn't really time for me to really think about what being a seminary graduate meant, although in retrospect that might be a good thing. I entered ministry with a lot of homesickness, and maybe even a bit of resentment towards God for making following his directions mean that I had to move 900 miles away from everyone I knew. I've started a new life, though certain aspects of my old life are still an active part of my new existence. My task has been to find that new norm, that new space to integrate the new ordained Rebecca Weltmann with the previous versions of my self. As Jason pointed out, it's not about ceasing to be whoever I was before graduation and figuring out who the new me is, but about figuring out how the Spirit has led me and helped me to grow in addition to my identity before graduation. Who I am now is made possible only by who I was in seminary.
And to be honest, not much has changed. I've been slowly figuring out new norms. My long distance relationship has been challenging, but also rewarding. Skype makes the world a little bit smaller, which helps tremendously. My family has been so supportive and we stay in touch as reguarly as we can. I'm assimilating into my new environment by making friends and getting involved in social activities like going to work out at the gym and going out places with friends. So how have things been going? In reflection about where I started and where I am now with my congregation, things are going really well.
I'm feeling inspired to take back what I've learned in the seminars and bring them into my own ministry. This is still a part of that transitional space Jason talked about. What does it mean to integrate the material into my own church context? That will be my reflection time for the next couple of months as we look to revamp our Christian ed program.
One of Jason's closing thoughts was, "It's not about what we know as individuals; it's about what we know as a community." As we look towards the future and the ways we can grow as a community, I find myself excited and inspired to seek out the ways to put legs on these theories. The great thing about these seminars was that even though the focus was on how it relates to youth ministry, the materials are things that I can use in a myriad of ways all over my ministry. I can't wait to get back to Illinois and carry this momentum along with me.
Yours in the Peace of Christ,
Pastor Becki
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