I don't like talking about this subject, but I'm going to do it anyway because I'm extremely proud of myself for doing what I did today.
What did I do today, you ask?
I walked 3.28 miles. According to mapmywalk, which is the only way I know how many miles I walked for sure. 3.28. That's huge for me. It's been...well, well over what it should be since I walked that far. It was exhausting. But I did it! My legs hurt a lot right now. But I did it! I even have a cramp in my stomach and lower back. But I did it! Why did I do it?
The usual reason.
But I did something new today. Usually when I walk I make sure I take backroads because I have this scenario that plays in my head. Someone who knows me drives by, sees me walking, and thinks to themself, "Yeah, girl, you BETTER walk. Geeze, ease off on the chai tea, why don't chya." I'm sure people aren't think that, but there's this irrational voice in my head judging me for them. Mostly I think people aren't paying attention to me. At least, I like to think people are more focused on the road than they are on the parts of me that jiggle when I walk.
I hate admitting that to you readers that this is what I think about when I'm walking, but it's true.
So today here's what I did that was new: I PURPOSELY walked on the busiest street in town. No kidding. I started with the backroad and then, for those of you who know the town, I walked from the light over by Michael's restaurant straight down the highway back to my apartment by Kroger's. 3.28 miles, half of which was done in the view of everyone and their mother.
Oh
My
Goodness.
But I did it.
And I'm totally tooting my own horn because not only is this a huge deal for me, but I feel a certain humbleness before God because I know I didn't have the strength to do that on my own. I'm SOOO out of shape (and fear not, by the time I got to Hillcrest Golf Course, I was pretty sure I was going to throw up). But I did it because God wants me to take better care of this body that He's given me. So that's what I'm going to do.
I'm reading a book called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and it's about learning how to ajdust our mentality so that we're craving God, not food. She talked in one chapter about how she was running and just heard God calling her to run farther and so she ended up running 8.6 miles. I'm no where near ready to take 8.6 of anything (nor am I in any position to run), but she said the first thing she did when she got home was look up Psalm 8.6 in honor of her 8.6 miles. And she found a verse that spoke to her about how God spoke to her during that run. So I got home and looked up Psalm 3:28 and realized there's no such verse. So instead I looked up Psalm 32.8 and here's what it says:
8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Yeah, I wanted to stop and take a break at the coffee house on my way back to the apartment (and then call a friend to come pick me up). But I didn't. I kept going because I had something to prove to myself: that if I put my mind to it, if I trust in God's willingness to help, I can totally do this. I'm not saying its going to be easy. I know there will be a lot more tears and angry fist-shaking at the dessert tray in my favorite restaurant before this is over. But I know that God is going to help me.
So you are all witnesses: I'm taking a stand here and now to work on letting my comfort come in God; not in food. Like Lysa says, I'm made for more than this and like Psalm 32 says, God's going to keep a loving eye on me as I go.
He's going to keep a loving eye on you, too, in whatever your journey entails. In whatever you might be battling -- whether it's a weight problem, financial concerns, a rocky relationship, or health problems -- God is going to keep a loving eye on you. There will be tears and there will be fist-shaking at no one in particular. But we will, with God's help, make it happen :-D
Yours in Christ,
Pastor Becki
